Should I Have My Mom in the Delivery Room?

I had my mom there both times and I don't regret it at all. She was right down there watching my 2nd come out and held my hand with my C-sec.

My mom was there with me when my son was born. She was of no help to me at that time and I really felt like yelling at her to get out. I really needed a coach but she was just star struck. I'm glad I kept my wits about me through all the pain and didn't say anything horrible to her. Giving birth to my son was one of the most lonely moments of my life.

When I have my next baby, my mom won't be there and my husband will but my mom passed away. I would give anything for her to be here. When I do have other children she will be there in spirit and we will tell many stories of how funny she was.

My mom was there for my first 2......she couldnt be there with the third. my grandmother was there for all 3......well up until i need the c-section with the llast one. Having them there was comforting for me.....and my grandmother loved being there with me.

This is up to your husband and yourself...not your mother or any of us. Personally, I would NEVER want anyone BUT my husband in the delivery room...that's just me. If your husband doesn't want your mother there, I'd say that's your answer...it's his child.

I see it as your baby, your body and the decision to be between you and your husband.

Personally, I would never have chosen to have anyone but hubby with me in the delivery room. It was a very special time for us and for bonding with our daughter. Our daughter was born at 6pm and we did not have guests until the next day. I would have been just fine with no guest at all but that's just me.

If your mom is the good mom you say she is, she will completely understand your change of heart to be with your husband during this special time.

Don't settle for something you are not comfortable with just so you don't hurt someone's feelings. I think your husband's feelings should take priority. Your mom has been there done that with deliveries.... this is YOUR family. Yes, she is a great grandmother to your child and a good mother but that does not mean she has to be involved in each personal aspect of your life.

Congratulations and I wish you the best delivery and a happy/healthy baby.

It's totally up to you and your husband :)

With my first, my mom and boyfriend were there.

With my second, my mom, boyfriend, and his mom were there.

With my third, it was just going to be my husband, but my mom weaseled her way in ;)

I'm the type of person who doesn't care one way or another. It meant a lot to my mom, so sure mom, you can be there. If the gay couple down the hall waiting for their surrogate to give birth wanted to watch, by all means. Med student, come on in! Janitor, why not. As long as the job gets done, I'm fine with it, LOL!!

Follow your heart mama, you'll make the right choice :)

Well, if I were your mom (probably old enough to be, sigh), I would like you to discuss the things you mentioned in this post with me. I DO remember what it's like to be pregnant, after all, and you're emotions are ALL over the place.

I'd say, hon, I'd LOVE to be there if that's what you AND your husband would like. However I COMPLETELY understand if you'd rather I come visit after you and baby have been moved to a room, and really don't worry about ME so much, I'm just so pleased another beautiful grandchild is coming into the world!

Maybe just talk to her about how you're feeling, k?

Congratulations!

:)

I had my Mother in the room with me and my husband and it was great for us. She was helpful, got me things I needed, or stayed with me while my hubby went and it was VERY comforting to have her there. And it was a nice experience for us to share together. I think hubby was glad to have her there too because he really wasnt sure what to expect and it was good to have someone who did. If I have another baby, she will be there too just the same as the first. I dont regret it at all!

You will be so busy having a baby that it wont matter to you one way or another if she's there. It will matter a great deal to her. That's the kind of hurt feelings you can't take back.

Have to agree with Tracy...you're not going to notice or care once you get to pushing!

My mom stresses me out..so she was specifically not allowed into the room with DH and I.
However, when I developed complications while having my first, I'll NEVER regret having my mom right there AFTER the delivery. She and my MIL came in after they had stitched me up, and were taking care of me (I was on some awful meds that made me feel like I was on fire...so they took turns soaking rags in ice water and putting them all over me.)

I don't think you'll regret having her in there, if you're so close. But you MIGHT regret NOT. So, go with your first instict...is my vote.

I had my mom there for both and she was very helpful. It's good to have someone there that KNOWS what you are going through.
If she causes trouble or if it looks like she is causing you stress, the nurses will have her leave. L&D nurses are good at that.

I had my mom there for all 3 of mine, it was just my mom and my husband. I loved having her there, it was nice for someone to worry about taking pictures, and making sure everything else is getting done, while my husband just has to worry about me. I've been told that grandparents are just as attached, if not more, to their grandkids as their own children. I'm sure she would love to be there, and I'm not exactly sure what your regrets would ever be? If you think your regrets would outweigh the benefit of having her there, just tell her nicely that you guys have decided to be on your own. I'm sure she'll understand that decision.

what ever you decide is totally up to you.. its your baby you are the one who has to deliver him/her.. however i will say if you have already told your mother that she is going to be in the delivery room and shes very excited about it .. im sure shes going to be very dissappointed if you tell her youuve changed your mind

I'm close with my mom but I wouldn't want anyone but my husband in the delivery room with me. I had a natural childbirth and was in pain and can't imagine anyone wanting to see me like that, even if they did I wouldn't ever let it happen. I'm not even sure my husband wanted to be there. lol! I know it's more about seeing the baby but it's about me too. My family came to visit the next day. Everyone is different though...

I agree with Tracy all the way. Unless something specific has happened to make you change your mind, I'd stick with your first instinct which was to have her there.

ETA--I'm LMAO @ Rachel's answer right now because that's almost the exact answer I gave a nurse while I was in labor with my son. She asked if med students could come in & watch & I literally said, "Med students?? I don't care if you bring the freakin' JANITOR in here if they can help get this baby out of me quicker!"

You're the one having the baby, right? So while the baby is also your husband's...I think you have all the say in this experience. It's your body.

I can't imagine my mom not being in the room. And still, it's weird to me that people weren't with you when you had the baby, regardless of the time. My family was all there for all 3 of my kids being born...my sister went into labor with her first on father's day. I rolled over and looked at my husband and he said "get up and go! What are you waiting for??!" He brought our kids up later and we all had lunch together, then they went home and I waited for my niece to be born.

My mom, sister, and husband were in the room for the only vaginal delivery I had. My dad and brother waited right outside the door and looked in as soon as they heard her cry...they couldn't see any of me...but they said their first niece and granddaughter :).

Totally up to you.

My mom was with me with my first two children's birth and I really wished she could have been there for my last child. I'm very close with my mother too, she video taped the births (all in good taste). She wasn't able to be at the last birth because at the time we lived 5 hours away, and my water broke. I was planning on having a c-section, they still let me have it. No one visited me, except my husband, children and my older sister, but she lived 1 hour away and only came one of the 5 days I was there.

I think you will enjoy having your mom there, she'll give your husband and you your quite time alone with the baby. And you could always have her do the video taping so you can cherish that moment forever (unless you lose the tape like we did).

Congrats on #2!!!

With my first I wanted my mom there...as much as we don't get along and don't agree on things...she knows the right way to encourage me.

My husband asked if his mom could...and for 36 weeks I vehemently said no way! But the day came and the time came for everything and as she was leaving the room (his mom) I looked up and said "I would love for you to stay" it was all my decision! I do think spur of the moment decisions can be the right ones. Let her know that you are now unsure...but want her there incase you change your mind. She's your mom...I think we just know these things!

With my second my mom was at the hospital...but she was taking care of my first...and boy do I wish she would have been in the room and not the waiting room when all hell broke loose! But she was where I needed her most!

Talk to her...I think that if you have changed your mind she will understand...she will be hurt but I hope that one day I would be able to understand!

I will say that my mom tried to get my dad to stay...we both yelled "HELL NO" at the same time! He said "It's one thing to see your wife go through this but I ain't watching my daughter!"...He was on stand by for food and very happy to my hero with food!

please don't backhand that invitation! Your mom's getting excited about it....please don't take it away from her!

I had my mom in the room when both my girls were born. Delivery is not my husbands thing. My mom was able to cut the umbilical cord for both my girls and she passed away 6 weeks after my youngest was born. I am glad I have that.

Be honest with your mom. Tell her how you feel. If my daughter told me what you just said, I'd offer to show up with tons of books to occupy myself in the waiting room "in case" she wanted me in there, and I wouldn't be offended at all if she didn't. I'd even make snack runs or whatever for her husband, or stand in for anything at all. I would totally understand that during actual labor, she may want the room cleared out of extra people-I've been in labor three times :)

As an aside, for my second, I screamed so loud during labor, every nurse on the floor was by my bed when my son came! I literally remember looking down in a haze (no meds) and seeing "tons of people" at the foot of my bed :-0

I had my MIL and my husband in the room with me. If your DH and your mom have a good relationship, it may be nice if they can be there with and for each other as well as you. That was my thinking, in addition to wanting my MIL with me :)

Bring your mama in with you...she will NEVER forget watching her grandchild come into the world! It just makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it!

Two of my girls said when they have their babies, I get to go in with them. I couldn't be more thrilled!

I had 8 children and that was the most wonderful thing in the world but getting to go in for the birth of 8 of our grandchildren was even more wonderful, if possible. I was able to go in with 2 of our daughters and to be part of that is something I will always treasure, even the one C-section. I would say let your mom go in with you. I'm thankful for our two sons in law who allowed me to go in with no problem.

J., please have your mom with you. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was for me to have my mom. My husband was thrilled she was there too. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with her. If that is the case, you will not regret it. I promise you.

Dawn

Why dont you have her in there throughout labor, and when its time to push, she can go wait and come back in after the baby is born after you and your husband have had your time.
This is what I did with my mom, its not at all that I didnt want her in there throughout the whole thing, but I didnt want my MIL in there, and really didnt want my insides and outs on display for the whole family.
Like I said, I wouldnt have cared about my mom, but I didnt want to cause a stink having her in there and not his mom, which Im sure it would have.
You will figure it out. Im sure your mom will understand whatever decision you make.

Only you can make that decsion, and that means over ruling your husband :) My mother and MIL where both in the room for our first son, and second time around just the hubby and my mom. I feel I could not have done it w/out my mom!! She was so supportive and calm and it really kept me and my emotions at bay.

Like previous posts also added, your really not going to notice that she is there, and why do you feel you would regret having her in there? Sometimes it's best to go with the flow. Best of luck and hope you have a fast easy delivery!!

When my grandson was born, I was there. The hospital she gave birth at only allows 2 bodies in the room in addition to staff. So with our 2nd daughter in California, no husband involved, and our youngest too young, it just made sense for my oldest daughter and myself to be there. I am very glad I was there. I had to do some mighty fast praying when things started to go wrong. I would not have wanted her to be there without me when he was being rescusitated for 5 minutes.

Afterwards she told my daughter and I that rubbing her back and legs was a big help. Sometimes men are not that much help since they really don't know what it feels like. I don't think you will regret it.

I had my mom with me for both of my children. She was a huge help with my first, as I was violently ill after the birth. She was great. She was also there with my second delivery. My husband was all squeamish about cutting the cord, so she did it! :) My mom was there through all the labor, telling funny stories to take my mind off the pain, sitting with me while my husband stepped out, etc. I look back and was so glad she was there. But it's totally YOUR decision. Either way, I am sure she will respect your decision. Sounds like you have a great mom!

Honestly IMO your opinion out-rules your husband's, you're the one pushing a baby out of your vagina. Seriously. So, only take into consideration what YOU want. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your Mom, but I'm close with my Mom, and if I was allowed to have her in the room when my daughters were born, I would have definitely had her in there (I had c-sections, so I could only have my husband). My SIL, my husband's sister, had my MIL in the room when she was giving birth, and she hated it and screamed at her to get out, but they aren't close. So, it depends on your relationship with her.

But seriously, do what makes you comfortable.

She is going to be disappionted if you un-invite her, but if you have a close relationship with her tell her that you have thought about it and want it to be a moment with just you & hubby. How about asking her to take extra specail care of your 1st child... go to the movie (if of apporate age) or go out to eat & get ice cream, play games at home. This way both your mom & 1st child feel like your doing something specail & to keep their minds off of "where's mommy" or "why am I not in the delivery room with them." If your little one comes at a decent hour you can have mom & your other child stop by once settled in your room to give congrats, welcome the new little one and bond.

You could also tell your mom your up and down feelings about it. Say that you are now unsure and ask if she would be ok if it is a "last minute" call on if you want her or not. Some moms will role with it and be ok with that arrangement, others will be offended and want a yes or no and to stick with it. I know my mom told me that if she is needed just give her a call (she lived about 10 mins from the hospital I gave birth in), she said I was a strong women and could do this BUT if I felt I needed added support she would come. I did not need her so just called to say I am going to the hospital and would call after I delivered (which ended up in C-section).

For me I just wanted to do it myself, that is my personality, hubby was there with his hand on my shoulder but I honestly was focused on one thing.

My sister-in-law asked me to be in the room with her & my brother for the birht of their child. I was going to be there, but I was working and no way of leaving (supervising an event, one in charge can not leave till event is done). Her delivery was FAST, from the time I was called it took maybe two hours and my little nephew was born!! Anyway I went as soon as I was done with work, she had millions of questions for me and I gave my congrats to them.

I think it was great for my mom to be there. But in hind site, it may be the reason I ended up with a C-section. She flew in the minute we determined I was in labor. Picked her up around 9:00 pm from airport. We all tried to go to sleep in the room but at about 1:00 a.m. my labor picked up. There i was in the dark trying to labor quietly so everyone could get some sleep. Needless to say this really had me focusing on pain, which ended in getting the epidural too early (1 cm), which may be the reason my labor was so long, and I couldn't push the darn kid out!

My husband was in the room with my first, I had the nurses escort my mom out before I started the delivery. With my second child, my mom came in to watch my labor progress and then wouldn't leave with my second. It really made me mad b/c she knew I did NOT want her in there, so both my husband and mom were in there for my second.

But that's me. My mom has been in the room with all 4 of my sister's deliveries and it was wonderful for them... well, not the first, she made it hell for my sis and pretty much took over the husband's role... but she was better the other times. But my sister and my mom have a much closer and open relationship than I do with her.

So, if you are close to your mom, it could be a very wonderful experience, I really think it could be for you since you felt so sure for so long... it's sounds like your husband has placed doubt in you... don't let him, it's your body! If you decide you do not want her there, and think it would be distracting, then you can just tell her you were thinking about it, and would feel more comfortable if she could watch your daughter in the waiting room (or at home) while you delivered, then bring her in shortly after to meet the baby.

My mom was there for all three of mine and I'm not sure that she will be this time around. She lives almost 800 miles away and I really, really don't want to be induced, so its not looking good. I'm kind of bummed because she was the one that stayed up with me and talked and rubbed my back during labor while my husband slept or watched tv. My mom absolutely loved being there and I am so happy that she was the first (besides myself and my husband) to hold my babies. I don't regret for a second having her there.

In the end, I don't think you would regret having your mother there, but you might regret not having her there. I thought my delivery had to be just me and my husband for this private moment, but I could kick myself for it now! I really wish I had asked my mom to stay. It would have been such a beautiful memory for her to see her daughter bring her granddaughter into this world, and for me to have my mother right beside me.

How different people's families are. No one came to visit me in the hospital until the day I came home. And my in-laws didn't even make the 3 hour drive until my daughter was 2 weeks old.

But to answer your question, you can decide at any time (even if she is already at the hospital), just be strong in your choice. Of course, that may be easier for me to say with a family that is so distant that they didn't even consider being there.

I am very close to my mom but I made the decision to only have my husband in the delivery room during the actual delivery - my mom/dad and sister were there the whole time - in and out in the waiting area - they would step out every time I was checked and of course when it was time to push......I did feel so much better knowing they were there but I am too modest. I ended up having a c section after all the pushing :-( so it didn't really matter in the end........I would let you Mom come and be there for you. I don;t think you will regret in the end - you will only cherish that memory especially if you are close to you Mom and your husband doesn;t have any apparent issues with her.......

You can let your mom come in and if at any point you don't feel comfortable you can ask her to leave. That way its not preplanned.. and she will respect your choice even if its at the last moment.

When I had my first ( 18) I had my mom and dad in with me. I wasn't sure I wanted dad in with me... he wasn't either, but when it came down to those moments of having my son, I didn't even notice who was there and who wasn't. My dad is still so touched that he was there to see it ( he didn't see it ALL) and he was the one who cut my son's umbilical cord.

With the rest I was married.. and my husband (s) were with me and both of my parents.

With my 4th ( 1st with my current husband) it was just my husband, I was so sad that my parents couldn't be with me. They were preparing for my uncles wake. They included me so I could be at his funeral. He is the only one that my parents missed out on the birth of my 5 kids. Even with my daughter my dad took off of work and met us at the hospital to be there.

Its not as weird or as bad as it seems. Its actually nice to have someone on the other hand to squeeze also.

I wanted my mom with me for my fourth baby but she lives 5 hrs away and my labors last about 4 hours, it was not going to work out. Since you initially wanted her there I would give that heavy consideration. Can you have an open and honest conversation with her about her role and the "rules" of the room? Tell her that your husband was really good at X during your first labor and he is generally reaponsible for X,Y, and Z, so that your husband doesn't lose his role due to her presence. Also remind her that labor and delivery can be stressful and emotional, and you cannot predict how you will feel at different times throughout the process, so you reserve the right to ask her to move to the waiting room at any time. Maybe even tell her that after the delivery is over you and your husband want, say, 30 min alone with the baby. If she seems resistent or hesitent about any of your rules I would not let her in at all. I think women, especially mothers, can offer a completely different kind of love and support during childbirth than men can. I think it is unlikely that you would regret allowing her to be a part of something so special. Plus it gives your husband someone to "tagteam" with if he needs a break. If he is still on the fence I think you should discuss all the benefis of having her there and have him help set up the rules so his concerns can be addressed. Hopefully that will lead to a happy ending for everyone.

I chose to not have my mother there. Not only was this an intimate moment between my husband and myself, she also has a really amazing way of making things about her. I didn't want her to ruin the experience for myself or my husband by having her pull a "stunt" despite how much she wanted to be there...but for your purposes I think you just have to be honest with her and say you aren't sure how you'll feel, you're anxious you're worried you might be distracted...and hopefully she'll react appropriately which is to say she'll be there and whatever you decide in the moment she will be ok with.

Personally, I don't understand the appeal, lol. If I wasn't the one squeezing the baby out, I wouldn't want to watch...yikes! I didn't even want the mirror when they rolled it over to me.

Good luck. You'll be fine no matter what. Happy pushing!

This is coming a little late, but thought I would share. I had my husband, my mom and my mil in the delivery room with me with both my kids. I LOVE that I shared these two amazing experiences with the people that mean the most to me. My mil still thanks me to this day for letting her be a part of it. And my mom is my best friend, I couldnt imagine going through all that without her by my side. I will always be happy with my decision. Good luck with whatever you decide!!

My mom was not able to be in the room with us for my first as I was in Colorado and she was in Missouri. She was in the room for my second and last though. It meant the world to her and was comforting for me having her there as well. How awesome that must be to watch your grandchildren come into this world! I hope my girl's let me be in the room when my grandbabies come.
I agree, it is your decision. Everyone is different. If you have felt strongly all along that you wanted her there, I do believe it is just your emotions getting the best of you right now. Good luck to you! Prayers for an easy delivery and a healthy, beautiful baby!

While I was in the moment I could have cared less who was in the room. While in labor however I kicked out 3 medical students who may never recover from my tyraid. I'd let her in. Nothing can bring back this moment for you or her. By the way I was happy to rest in the hospital and that is what it should be. Let them visit you at home and bring a casserole or dinner or help fold clothes while you show off baby.

I think it's about YOU. If YOU, the one doing the work, want your mom with you, then you tell DH that you want your mom's support, too.

What I did, personally, was to have Mom at the hospital, but when they told me to push, I told her to go get coffee. She lurked outside til DD was born and when I was ready for her to come back in, she did and got to be the first person besides the staff and me and DH to see DD.

You've been here before. You know what you need. Ask DH to support your needs and be honest with both Mom and DH.

I loved my mother with all my heart, but I would not let her be with me in the room. She was a nervous, anxious woman to begin with. She also could be a bit patronizing. I tried to have her there for my first baby, and ended up asking her to go outside and wait. I just had my husband with, I think my husband would have rather stay out too. I apologized profusely for that, but she was there for the moment that the baby was out and ready to be seen. I asked her back in. She was hurt, but after I explained what she was doing to me, she understood. I didnt ask her back for the second which was a mute point, since she passed away before the second and third were born. Kinda wished she was in the hospital for those, but dont regret not having her in the room.

Why don't you just leave it open, and see how things work out. Stop overthinking it. You could put all this energy into the decision and the decision could be made for you when your water breaks at 2 am or you have to go have a c-section after hours of labor and mom sitting with you.

I'd leave it open, so mom knows that if circumstances prohibit at the last minute, she is prepared (difficult delivery, or hormonal meltdown). I don't think you or your husband would change your mind and kick her out at the last minute if she is there and willing. Certainly not if your first, original thought was that it would be nice to have her there. I don't think you would regret it if it turned out that she came, and stayed through the delivery.

My mom was there for my first, and when i had my second, i let my dad come in too!!! But of course, he was standing BEHIND me so he couldn't see anything, if you get my drift!!! That was the best thing I have ever done for him. He has since passed away, but I can't tell you how many times he hugged my son, and tell him, "I was the first one to kiss your little foot". He bragged that he was in there. He loved the attention he got, because how many dads get to go in there?? People couldn't believe that his daughter let him come in. Anyway, I am very glad my parents were in the room. It really made for a wonderful bonding between them and the kids too. I have never regretted it.

Just because she is at the hospital during Labor/delivery doesn't mean she has to be IN THE ROOM with you. They have waiting areas down the hall for a reason. If you are more comfortable with her not in the room, then go with that. She can come right in after the birth and be your first visitor.
That is what we did with our first. No reason you can't have both versions of what you want. Her NOT in the room, but not waiting until the next day to visit.
:)

Discuss it with her. Tell her that you want her there but not sure about in the room during the delivery. Tell her that part you want to play by ear depending on how you feel at that time.

With my son, it was supposed to be just me and my husband (his dad). I ended up w/ back labor and he ask if my stepmom (also a trained EMT) could be there to help since I needed constant pressure on my back. I agreed. That led to my aunt (whom I lived with since a I was a baby) asking to stay in the room....I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I said yes. My mom was there but was fine being outside the room. His mom was there but we were never close and he didn't ask (thankfully). It was ok but I still wish it had just been us in the room for a bit. My sister wishes it too because her mom always tells her "Well, L. let me in the room when Mikey was born!".

With my daughter, I insisted it just be me and my hubby (2nd husband). Everyone else, including my 15yr old son, was in the waiting room. I had given specific instructions that once she was born, they were to go get her big brother and he would be our first visitor (alone) at first.

As much as I would love to be there when my daughter delivers in June, I feel that this is the most intimate couple experience. They should be able to experience that special moment together. alone.