Opinion Regarding Husband's View

I guess I'm somewhere in the midddle. While I respect Mama A's opinion because obviously that's how they do things in their family, I don't agree with it. But, I personally would have a hard time "just going" like some of the others have suggested knowing I have left my husband behind not feeling positive about my going. There is obviously some major insecurity he's feeling or worry about you guys for some reason. The words he's using seem wierd for this type of situation. To say you are "breaking up the family" is what one spouse would say to another if he/she were maybe cheating and leaving for the other person. That just seems a little dramatic to your scenario which confirms he's masking some kind of insecurity about your leaving without him. Is he close to your side of the family? Has there been drama in the past where he didn't feel accepted by them? There's just got to be some kind of reason behind this...was he as protective with your time before the baby? I guess I'm just saying that you guys have to get to the real reason he doesn't want you to go. Is he just jealous that you would be having a good time and he has to work (if so, that's really immature on his part) or is he worried that you may get into something he can't control. Anyway, tough decision, just going and leaving him behind while he's still unhappy about it will make him seethe all weekend and I'm sure coming home won't be the joyous reunion you would have expected. But, you also can't go through life not doing anything without him so it sounds like you guys need to get to the heart of what's bothering him and what his fears are. If you still haven't resolved it by the time you have to leave, I (and that's just me, ladies!) would probably not go THIS time but I'd be conversing and preparing for the next invitation. Best wishes and have a wonderful weekend whatever you choose to do.

I'm not sure why he's making it a big deal. It's just 3 days. Plus, he's not the only one in the family working -- you are too, you're just not getting paid. I understand how you would want your family to see the baby. Have you explained this? Perhaps he's not close with his family or there's something else going on there?

My husband works too. If I want to see my family, it's a lot easier for me to go alone and take our son for the week. Frankly, I think he prefers not having to take vacation time to spend time with my family. That way we can go where we want for vacation.

i have taken trips minus hubby and kids since their birth (including one mere months after birth). i've waved as he's taken them on trips minus me. it does us good, not "breaking up the family." for instance, i couldn't get time off to go to his parents' for xmas break a year or so ago, so he went for 5 days with the boys. was it odd having the place to myself? sure, but it was a good thing too to only have to worry about myself. i'd present the good in it (guy time, eat what you want/when you want, watch what you want on tv) and see if he changes his tune. and yes i think that Mama A is wrong as well. i just came back from a solo trip to Shreveport for a few days and my family is none the worse for wear! hubby managed just fine without me and isn't playing drama queen!

I usually try not to give advise on marital issues but after reading what MAMA A said, I jsut had to. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT listen to her, you are not at your husbands beck and call. Im sure hes a great guy but he sounds a little insecure, its just a quick weekend getaway infact he should be excited to have 3 days all to himself. infact you may want to approach him with that. i bet he has not had 3 days all to himself in ages, how nice would that be? If he wants he could hang out with some guy friends, ahve a few beers, or just vegge infront of the tv when hes not working. Nice relaxing weekend for him too. Everyone needs time away. This should be a red flag to you. Going away for the weekend is NOT splitting up your family, everyone needs room to breath. Good luck!

One of the drawbacks of this type of forum is that you get all sorts of responses but in the end you have to make a decision that you and your husband can live with happily and without resentment towards eachother. I wish you luck.

Breaking up your family? That statement makes no sense. You're going for a weekend, not forever. I think your husband owes you more of an explanation for why he doesn't want you to go. Is it because he will be lonely? Is he just jealous that you will get to go have fun and he won't? Is it because he's worried about you and the baby? Is it because he doesn't like your family or feels like you want to be with them more than him? There seems to be something more behind his objection. If you can find out the real reason behind why he doesn't want you to go, you can then base your decision on whether or not to go on that.

The thing to keep in mind when making a decision like this is what the consequences will be, and only you know your husband and how he will respond to your decision. If you go and he is adamant that you don't, is he one to get over his irrational behavior quickly or is he one who festers and holds grudges to the point that this could cause a serious rift? What about you? Are you the type to let things go when you don't get your way, or will staying home cause you to feel resentful and act out in passive agressive ways to get back at him for not letting you go?

Once you find out more about why he doesn't want you to go, other than "You're breaking up the family" which is a ridiculous statement, then maybe you can better work out a compromise so that neither of you are left with bad feelings about whatever you decide. In other words, maybe you'll feel differently about wanting to go without him when you find out the real reason he doesn't want you to go, OR maybe he'll be less resistant when he actually faces the reasoning behind his objections.

Not too long ago, the shoe was on the other foot for our family when my husband went someplace with his brother. I found myself angry at him for going, but I wasn't exactly sure why I was so upset. After I thought long and hard about why, the truth was that I was jealous that he was getting to go somewhere and have fun and I had to stay home. I work at home and rarely go out anywhere except for with my husband. I was experiencing cabin fever I guess and it was completely selfish of me to get angry at him for getting to go and do something fun. I apologized for my behavior and my husband has since been very sensitive to my feelings when situations like this come up. He makes more of an effort to make sure that I can have some fun time too in exchange for me letting him have his fun time with his friends and family.

Marriage is very much a compromise. You know you're with the right spouse when you both are good at it. If the compromise is always one sided though, that's when you need to get professional help.

Good luck!

Blessings,
N.

You need to go. If you don't may end up resenting him down the road. Believe me even happy couple need time apart. What he is doing is emotional black mail, and in the long run you two will not be happy, if you worry about hurting his feeling everytime you want something for yourself. I would really talk to him if I were you.

My hubby is much like that, he has hard time with me doing aything it seems, but he is getting much better. He used to make me go to his parents everytime he went, I grew resentfull that all my time I took off work was so he could hang out with his family.
He used to

I don't agree with your husband. When my son was 2 my grandparents were having an anniversary celebration in Colorado and my husband couldn't get off work so I took my son myself, most of my family had never met him. It is not fair for your husband to try and keep you or your child away from your family. What would he do if the tables were turned I wonder? I do understand that maybe that is his way of saying he would miss you guys but on the other hand things like this may happen more and more throughout your child's life where all of you can't be together all the time. I would suggest trying to talk through it a little more and find out if it is just that he will miss you or if he is truly angry that you will be going somwhere without him. HTH Good Luck.

I know its probably too late now, but I'm totally with Sarah on this one....I've done lots of trips with my son without my hubby.....It makes for great mommy and son time, and does wonders for our marriage. We actually miss eachother for a while...Next time, I'd say go...

Breaking up your family? Hardly. My hubby couldn't get the time off last summer either, but he bought me and the kids tickets to go because he knew how important it was to me. We went to Michigan to see my ailing Grandmother and my mom's side of the family.
Maybe his feelings are just hurt that you're so eager to just "go without him". Guys are funny like that. Tell him how important it is to you and that you understand him being a little jealous. Maybe he'll change his tune.

It's a holiday weekend, not a week, so I don't think it's the time that's the issue. You're not "breaking up the family" - that's an over-reaction. You mention that you're very close to your family... does he feel shut out of that sometimes? I think that might be an issue more than anything. See if there's something else to his feelings.

Try to figure out how to go together. Does he have to work the whole weekend, or just Monday. If Monday only, maybe leave on Friday and come back Sunday.

I kindof understand where your husband's coming from, but not really. I get that he doesn't want to be stuck at home by himself working, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't let you go. I just went to Phoenix last week with our 2 yr. old son to visit my brother while my husband stayed at home and worked. He wanted to go, but just started a new job a couple months ago and couldn't take the time off. I think your hubby's being a bit dramatic, but try to understand that he probably just doesn't want to be alone while you're off having a great time. Tell him to take this opportunity to make plans with some friends that he rarely sees. Either way, there's going to be hurt feelings on someone's part, so just make sure you keep an open line of communication so that this doesn't become a sore topic forever that someone holds a grudge about. No matter what you do, have a great weekend!

I do think your husband's being dramatic, but I don't think you should go if he remains against it. That would be very disrespectful. If you can talk him around, then great. But if he still wants you to stay, then stay. I'm pretty shocked that anyone would advise you to ignore his wishes and just do whatever you like. Wouldn't it hurt you if he behaved that way? Have you never made a request that seemed unreasonable to him but perfectly normal to you? If he is insecure or has other issues then going without him isn't going to "cure" him of this or teach him a lesson.

I hope you're able to talk him into it, because I know how fun it is to get away with family and share your baby!

Well, I read this in a totally different way.

Is this the first "introduction" of your baby?

It isn't the same as the 2nd and 3rd and so on.
But, the first is special.

With that said and if that is the reason. How long would it be before both of you could go and "show off" your baby together? If it is an unreasonable amount of time, you and your husband should discuss this and what you can do about it.

Now say it wouldn't be for another 3 months and he doesn't want to give in because of this moment, put yourself in his shoes and think would you want to miss it? He should also put himself in your shoes and see if he could see your point of view. Babies grow and change so fast. Maybe have him on the phone or webcam when you get there so he can be part of it? Maybe he can start making plans now to cut the wait time in half so you can sooner?

As long as you both come to a mutual compromise, I don't see any wrong choice in your decisions.
good luck

I absolutely agree with your husband. I think it would be very disrespectful of you to go after he has told you that he wants you to stay home, you should be respectful of that. He just asked you to wait until a time when you can all three go together, he did not say you couldn't ever go. I think it is incredibly disrespectful to take of with a young baby like that while your husband is stuck at home working so hard for you and the baby. Your baby is too young. He wants to have his wife and new baby at home with him and there is nothing wrong with that. I think you should tell your husband that you are going to stay home so that the 3 of you can spend some quality time together. I think what you are forgetting is that your husband is working everyday all day, so he does not get to spend as much time with the baby as you do. So, when he is home, he wants his baby there so that he can spend time with it. The father thing is new to him, let him have his time with you and your baby. It is valuable to him. You should be thrilled that your husband would rather you stay home with him. You need to thank him fo working so hard, tell him you are sorry that he can't get the time off, but you are going to stay at home for the weekend with the baby to spend time with him and you can all 3 spend time with your family another time when he can get of work. I agree that it would be breaking up your family to go without him, especially with a baby that young. Now, a couple years down the road, when your child is 2 or so, it will be a different ballgame, because your husband will have a relationship with the child and he won't mind you and the child being gone for a few days. But right now, your husband is still trying to establish a bond witht the baby and he can do that when you are gone! You should put the time and energy into your own home and your family with the three of you. I think that you might consider that possibly you are too close with your family. It is best to be close to your husband and child not your mother father and siblings. Now that you are married and have a child, this is your family. So plan something fun for the three of you to do together for the weekend and stay here!

I don't think it's breaking up the family at all. If your husband would be at work most of the weekend, you wouldn't be spending time together anyway - he'd be at work. I see nothing wrong with going away for the weekend. My husband and I have done this several times. Maybe some time, he can take the baby to see his family for the weekend and you can catch up on some rest / housework, etc. During the summer, we do all kinds of things with my family while my husband is at work. I don't think it's fair of him to expect you to sit home with the baby while he's at work.

I don't see it as "breaking your family apart". It is completely understandable for you to go.

We've been married a little over 20 yrs and we each value getting some time alone by short separate trips alone and short separate trips with daughter.

It is so nice to have the house nice and quiet to myself and it is good for him to have alone time at home.

It has nothing to do with breaking the family....we are a very strong family here.

Your hubby might be feeling a little over protective of you and his new baby...just a thought.