Non-Medicated Help for Anxiety And/or Depression

Updated on September 10, 2009
M.B. asks from Dallas, TX
12 answers

Hi,

I am a people-pleaser, a perfectionist, and a workaholic. For the past year, I have been working diligently to put my family first and for the most part, it is working. Through meditation, the bible, and other resources I have been working at being a good wife and mom first, and a good employee second. Unfortunately, it puts me at odds with my work. I think some of it is my profession, but some of it is me. For nearly 10 years now, I have worked in a profession that is competitive and somewhat adversarial where I am constantly defending my work. I now have a reputation for being very good at my job and I fear I have set the bar too high. I am trying to break apart from the mindset that what I do and who I am are the same (for example, differentiating between the criticism of my work v. criticism of me as a person). I struggle with changing the quality of my work and I worry that if it declines, I could get fired. I am used to succeeding, even if it means a failure or two to get there. However, my goal is to succeed as a wife and mom first, and I feel like I am failing.

For example, we were having a wonderful day yesterday and I received an email questioning my research on something and I knew I had explored every available avenue. Questions like this used to just bum me out, but over the past several months I have noticed a pattern where I just can't emotionally bear it. I get angry, upset, and overly emotional. I don't want to quit my job because we need the money right now (who doesn't?). Last night, I completely collapsed and was a big mess. While comforting me, my husband said he "miss[ed] the old you." I felt devastated. He didn't say it in a bad way, but it opened my eyes: I need help.

I'm not sure who to go to for help, a psychologist? A psychiatrist? This may be a tall order, but I'm looking for recommendations for a therapist in Dallas or Collin County that 1) takes health insurance; 2) has a wholistic approach - we are trying to conceive and I prefer not to be on medications; 3) a Christian approach would be an added plus, but not a requirement; and 4) a woman, maybe - I wonder if a woman would have better insights on how it feels to balance work and family from a mother's perspective.

Any thoughts and recommendations would be greatly appreciated!
TIA

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D.B.

answers from Dallas on

The Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride. Buy it, read it, stick to it religiously. Soooooo many have been healed by it.

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L.G.

answers from Dallas on

Hi. I hate that you are feeling this way. My mind works very much like yours and it can be so destructive. Juggling life before kids and life with kids is so hard. My kids have forced me (with my heels in the sand, BTW) to slow down and see life from a different perspective. I learned that I couldn't keep going down the same road when my life had changed so drastically. Please know that you are not alone.

My pastor said once "Jesus didn't say 'be good', He said 'follow me'". This is a concept that blew me away. I couldn't imagine not having to earn everything in my life, including love. I have it posted for me to see through out the day. I can't tell you how many times it has stopped me in my tracks when the insanity in my head won't quit. What freedom, even if just for a moment.

I don't know what will work best for you, but this is what I've tried to help me through. Each helped me learn different things for where I was at that point in my life. I started with Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible study. It was rough, but helped me see how things in my present were affected by my past, including family history, etc. I currently see a psychotherapist to work with me on behavioral stuff. I do what I do because I don't know a different way to do it. This is helping me put things in perspective and move forward by changing the way I think. It's a rough road & I'm certainly not finished, but I've come a long way and am amazed at the growth I see in my life.

I pray that He will be clear as to which road to freedom He wants you to take. His grace is amazing.

Much love,
L.

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D.C.

answers from Dallas on

I would start at your church. I have many friends who have used their minister/priest as a therapist or had them recommend someone.

I wish you luck - I've dealt with this myself, although I've chosen to use medication for panic attacks, I applaud your decision to avoid it. Before medication meditation worked well for me.

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

I'm a counselor in Frisco, and I meet all your criteria. I specialize in EMDR, which is similar to hypnotism (a lot more to it, though). I have immediate openings, nights and weekends. Call me if you'd like to schedule with me- ###-###-#### -S.-

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E.C.

answers from Dallas on

Wow! I think you described me; except I never got on any medication. I don't have any recommendations on therapy; however, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have a very competitive job (just competitive by nature anyway), want to be the best wife and mother. I have broken down a few times to my husband - just overwhelmed. However, you may want to wait on the baby as it will only add to the stress and emotions until you talk to someone. Trust me, I just had our second about a ear ago. Good luck!

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T.

answers from Dallas on

i struggle with similiar issues myself and have been going to christian counseling at the meier clinic for about 2 months now (http://www.meierclinics.com/). before that, i felt like i was just crumbling and couldn't cope with life in a healthy way anymore. i was crying all the time and feeling very depressed. the meier clinic has been wonderful and accepts my health insurance, so i only have to pay the co-pay. they matched me with a woman, which makes sense because i would feel uncomfortable discussing some of my issues with a man. although i don't always enjoy everything that i am learning and being out of my comfort zone (like saying no even to good things), i can tell that i am growing. the lady i go to is a counselor, so there are no meds involved (my ob had put me on antidepressants that made me feel horrible).
i also plan to attend celebrate recovery at my church, watermark, for several things including my codependacy (which is just another term for people pleasing, believe it or not). http://www.watermark.org/ministries/care/celebrate-recovery/ i've heard wonderful things about it and am finally ready to go. my second child isn't quite one yet, so i'm giving myself some grace and am waiting to sign up in january. it is free and childcare is available.
what i like most about both the counseling and celebrate recovery is that i know they are biblically based. i wanted to guard myself against more "worldly" advice and make sure that the advice i was given was grounded in the truth of the bible. i know i can trust what they say and recommend.
i just prayed for both of us, that god would walk this journey with us, put the right people in place for us, and help us learn to be ok with the women he created us to be. please contact me if you want to talk more.
~T.

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M.S.

answers from Dallas on

I have been there too! Have you tried natural amino acids and such to help reduce your anxiety/depression? They really helped me! Here's a link to help you figure out what you might need and then you can go to Sprouts, Whole Foods, Vitamin Shoppe, etc to buy them. http://www.drmurphreestore.com/brainfunc.html

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B.L.

answers from Dallas on

I thought you were describing me there for a second...but in truth you were crying out to me and all the others that have been or are (me) where you are. I have a wonderful clinical psychologist, but she's in Irving. I realize that is not what you asked for with location, but she has all the other attributes +. She accepts all health insurance, she has a holistic approach, and she is a christian. Also, she battles these same things in her life. She is the mom of three boys (one of which is a special needs child that requires a nurse all day). She's easy to talk to, brilliant with help in dealing with the challenges all mom's face...how to balance family, with a stressful job and personal time for you to refuel. I see her at least once a week and find the time goes way too quickly. I've also told my husband (who loves her by the way) that I feel like I'm talking to a best friend. Anyway, her name is Dr. Karla Austin and her website is http://www.karlaaustin.com/. Hope this will be helpful to you. I wish you the best!! B.

E.C.

answers from Dallas on

Get the book called, "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" by Dr. David Murphy. There are MANY editions in print - I believe the newest (revised) copy is the blue background.

There are even references to the bible in the book.

The book really is a lifesaver.

Good luck.

M.S.

answers from Dallas on

Hi M. B,

You described quite a lot of women in here. We all struggle with our identities, our balance of home and work, and our constant need to "do it all". Well, it just doesn't work that way in reality. Something has to give and it is usually our sanity unfortunately.

But, it does not have to be that way. I faced similar circumstances and realized that my family was more important to me than my high-stress, high-maintenance job and co-workers. No job is worth the price of my family's happiness or my sanity. And, money is not everything. You can make certain changes to your lifestyle in order to work in a position that will a) not make you crazy, b) not make the people around you crazy.

I have two wonderful therapist recommendations for you. They are both very different but both very effective. One is your more holistic and natural therapist and the other is just as wonderful in her own way - both understanding the need to having to balance work and family and know the difficulty of both. They both have wonderful personalities and are very kind and understanding. I would recommend any one of them to someone who wants a woman who knows the struggles we all face as women and mothers. They both take insurance as well.

Ellen Simon – Therapist
www.imadulation.com - N. Collins Road in Richardson
Ellen is a wonderful guide through your difficulties and is very reassuring that you are not alone in your journey to finding peace in your life.

Amy Allen Meyer - http://www.amyallenmeyer.com/index.htm
Amy does deal mostly with adolescents, but may have some suggestions on someone for you.

Good luck and I hope you find someone to help in your struggles. Just know, we all face them and you are not alone. Don't be so h*** o* yourself - you are doing a great job. And knowing that you need to find a balance is the first step.

M.

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

Hi M. B!

I hope you are doing well today!

I was reading your post and wanted to ask if you think you are really struggling with depression and anxiety or just overwhelmed?

The program I offer is very different and was designed for dyslexia and ADHD - but offers a lot of help to adults who just feel like things have gotten crazy! Usually these adults showed small signs of struggles but coped brilliantly - and often by choosing to work a lot and then it just gets to be too tough and overwhelm sets in and is feels horrible!

Please take a minute to look at my website and take the online assessment that will help you uncover any symptoms that I may be able to address totally drug free and with permanent results.

I wish you all the best!

S. M
The Cerebellum Center
www.cerebellumcenter.com
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R.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hey M.,

I also have a job in which my work is under constant criticism. I cope with it like this: 1. It's not "my" work; it's the company's work. And they are free to change or challenge it as they will, even against all reason or logic. I started to define "my" work differently. 2. There will always be criticism, even of perfect work. Accept it as inevitable, deal with it when it arises, and move on. 3. Quit checking your blackberry on the weekends. It take awhile for your office to catch on that when you leave the office, you really are leaving. But, trust me from experience on this one, they will learn your new pattern and respect it.

Hope that helps,
Another perfect mom, wife, and full-time employee

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