My 6Yo Wants to Wear Makeup

Updated on November 05, 2008
R.M. asks from Bedford, MA
14 answers

A couple of months ago, my daughter was a flower girl at a wedding. Since it was a special occasion, Grandma put makeup on her. The next morning, she didn't want to go to the wedding breakfast because she didn't have makeup on. Granted, she was exhausted, but she had a tantrum. Last month, she went to a Snip-Its birthday party, and the goody bag had lipstick, blush, a compact with mirror, etc. Several times I've noticed that she's been using this makeup before school, and now I'm worried that she's having self-image problems. (Interestingly enough, I use minimal makeup: a concealer for dark circles, lip gloss, and maybe a little eyeliner.) How should I respond?

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So What Happened?

After a few weeks, my 6yo daughter forgot about the make up in the drawer. When the subject comes up again, I'll be prepared to handle the conversation, thanks to everyone's advice!

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R.K.

answers from Springfield on

Every little girl wants to wear makeup. I would explain to her that she is to young to wear makeup to school and maybe get her some chapstick or lipgloss to use.

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R.T.

answers from Boston on

I'd compromise with scented/flavored lip gloss. Something a little more special than chapstick, but not "makeup". As for the other stuff, tell her it's bad for her skin to wear all the time. Out of curiosity, do her classmates wear makeup?

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L.P.

answers from Lewiston on

Since Grammy is the one who started it, maybe she can talk to your daughter about makeup at her age only being a very special treat, and not something for every day? Maybe only when you go to church, or a Christmas party or something like that? And keep it light, flavored lip gloss and nail polish or those little nail decals should make her happy. Good luck!

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E.M.

answers from Boston on

Hi R.! You could explain that the wedding was a special occasion and just like the bride doesn't wear a fancy white dress everyday, little girls don't wear make-up.
As for the goody-bags, when my kids would get something I didn't like in a goody-bag, I would offer them a trade (the squirt gun for a container of play-do, that kind of thing). I assume since she's six she's probably only in first grade, you might want to think about the make-up "disappearing" while she's at school. Just a thought.....

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S.F.

answers from Boston on

Chapstick or scented lip gloss is a good compromise. Like all the other moms have said, it's natural for little girls to want to wear makeup. But you're her mom, you make the rules for her, and if you say she's too young, that's the end of the story. Not knowing your child, I don't know her temperament, but if she's like most kids, don't expect her to be happy with your decision. If she really wants to wear makeup, she is going to be disappointed and probably angry. But hey, we're already used to that, aren't we? If not, we better get used to it. Adolescence looms!

D.B.

answers from Boston on

It's kind of like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped...she's already been given the privilege of make-up, and now it's being taken away. If you watch TV or open a magazine, or walk down an aisle in the supermarket or the drugstore, you'll see we are constantly bombarded with products and ads to improve our looks. I think we have to be very careful about the messages we send to our girls.

However, I think that make-up is a grown-up thing, and it's definitely not for little girls who have tantrums. I would look at what she's using, how much, and whether she is properly cleaning it off so it isn't all over her collar, the couch, pillowcase or whatever. Then it's a definite "no". I would say no to anything around the eyes too - she doesn't have the dexterity to keep it out of the eye area. Adult make-up is not made for children's skin so there could be problems there. If she's not willing to cleanse her face properly (or use sunscreen to protect it), or to wash her hands after applying, then she's not old enough to use the products except for dress up parties or Halloween. You can probably safely paint her nails but I wouldn't let her near the nail polish remover - it's hazardous,and it will take the finish off the end table or stain the upholstery, so it's not for kids to use.

She will likely get tired of all the necessary steps so you can probably let it run its course. It also depends on what she is saying to her friends - is she ridiculing them for NOT using it, is she just playing with it or does she really think she's inadequate, etc.?? Otherwise, ignore it and it will probably go the way of all other phases.

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L.S.

answers from New London on

Every little girl wants to do what the big girls are doing. I would tell her that she can't wear makeup to school until she is a certain age and stick to it like 13 or 14. You could let her wear lip gloss or chapstick. Say, no makeup with color, but I will let you wear lipgloss or chapstick. But give her something natural that doesn't have glitter in it. Just a simple "young girls don't wear makeup to school only for special occasions or dressup" speach and ignore the tantrum. Easier said then done, but if you don't put your foot down now, then it will be alot harder when you are older. She can have pretend makeup, clear powder, etc. but no makeup to school. Chapstick is a different story. It is up to you what you will or will not allow.

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W.D.

answers from Boston on

give her chapstick and leave it at that. tell her that's what girls her age wear.. she's a bit young for the rest.

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A.E.

answers from Boston on

Doubt she is having self image issues. She is 6. She just discovered makeup, she is a girl. I have a 6 year old daughter myself and she loves putting makeup on. But, she knows it is just for fun. She does not wear it out of the house, except maybe a little clear children's lipgloss or chapstick. I think it is okay to let your daughter play with very minimal colored makeup and lipstick/gloss. My daughter asks me why do I wear makeup, I tell her because I am a grown up and when she is a grown up, she can wear makeup like mine. I don't wear a lot either. Just tell her that she can play with it at home and that she is too pretty for makeup anyway. Good luck.

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B.G.

answers from Barnstable on

My daughter is almost 2 and sees me put makeup on in the mornings. Occasionally she asks for eyeshadow or powder. I personally dont see the harm. Its not an everyday thing for us but she sees me do it. I certainly dont encourage it and let her know that little girls have beautiful skin and are pretty without makeup but if its for fun......
Does she see her grandmother often? Sometimes, it can be a result of a bonding experience, it made her feel special so she thinks she should do it more often to keep that feeling. It could be a phase that will eventually disappear. But I wouldnt associate with anything negative. When she asks for it, tell her "If you behave well and get ready on time, I will consider allowing you to put on blush". Or tell her "You may wear it at home", etc. I wouldnt consider it a self image problem until you notice other things ie: she makes comments about other peoples looks and compares herself to them or insults herself about her looks.

K.M.

answers from Boston on

Hi R.,
I wouldn't get overly concerned...it's probably a phase that she will out grow...then grow back into. It sounds like she's interested in the "process".

The best thing you can do it at least expose her to the proper techniques so while she's in this phase she's getting the right information!

You can both check out... http://www.fyiarbonne.com
The site is fun! Designed for older "little" girls the site has helpful information including the importance of taking care of you skin...ESPECIALLY at a young age.

Good luck and enjoy this special...mother/daughter time with her...you could also set boundaries with times that she can do this...the more you say no the more she'll drive you crazy.
~K.

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M.F.

answers from New London on

Hi R.,

I read all of the responses, and am actually surprised that some moms are ok with even a little makeup on a 6 year old, party or not. I agree with clear chapstick or flavored lip gloss, intended for little girls, as ok, but nothing more on the skin other than the normal face lotions. I rarely ever wear makeup, but when I do, I don't let my 5 1/2 year old watch me apply it, so she doesn't really have any inclination for it. My husband and I simply don't tolerate tantrums, but we do explain why something should or shouldn't be done. There is some pouting, when they don't like a decision we've made, but the bottom line in our home is: if mommy or daddy say so, then it must be for a good reason, and because they love us.

You'll just have to put your foot down, because you are mommy and you're only doing what's best. Explain, as another mom said, that it's bad for her skin, and maybe say you'll buy her her own set of makeup when she turn 13 or when she begins high school. Barter with using chapstick or lipgloss.

I'm sorry, and I hope I'm not too harsh. I'm slightly biased after watching a Toddler Pageant Special, and seeing all of the makeup these little girls are "forced" to wear (in some cases). I'm just completely turned off by any degree of makeup on a child who's decisions are primarily made by the parents.

Good Luck!

Mari

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J.E.

answers from Boston on

Hi R.,
My almost 6 year old daughter wants to wear make up as well...not all the time, but she'll request it every so often. I don't think a little dab of something here and there is harmful and I also don't think that she is going to have self-image issues either. I think mainly they want to do what mommy is doing as I wear make up too. I've explained to my daughter that sometimes, for special occasions, Halloween etc, she will be allowed to wear a little make-up, but not all the time until she is much older. This seems to make her happy. Again I don't think your child is having self image issues, she probably loved the attention she received the day of the wedding and might think that because she had the make-up, that was the reason for all of the attention. I would just let her know that it's all the time for grown ups and not all the time for little girls. :) Good luck.

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T.H.

answers from Boston on

Time to throw out the make-up.

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