I'm leaving my boyfriend of six years. We bought a house together in both of our names almost three years ago. Since we bought this house it seems like our relationship has crumbled. For one, I am paying for all the bills including his car payment. He can't seem to manage his money--keeps getting overdrafts from the banks, etc. I have dealt with it long enough--since we got the house. He is so far in debt with his couple of bills that he can't even help me with what is really important. I wasn't able to visit my grandmother in Tennessee back in March because of money problems with no help from him.(She is getting close to leaving us and I haven't seen her in at least 5 years.) He won't let me control his money or change, so it is time for me and my kids to go. I feel like he is running me into the ground. I can do SO much better on my own without him and his bad habbits. I just want to know if there is someone that has been thru what I am going thru. If there is, some advice please. And is it easy to take your name off the mortgage??? I'd rather rent an apartment for the time being. It will be much cheaper, so that I can get back into school and finish my dreams.
I would think you would need to refinance it and he would need to get a loan just in his name. It sounds like he wouldn't be able to get a loan so you may just have to sell it altogether and hope that you don't get stuck paying a bunch more money. good luck
I am afraid he will have to refinance to do that and do it in his name only. Unless things have changed. That is what my ex-husband and I had to do to get me off the mortgage when I left him.
It's not difficult but can be costly and I believe HE will have to accomplish this, I mean, if he's lazy you could do the legwork but .......I just went through that with my ex not too long ago - I gave him 2 options 1. sell the house or 2. refinance to remove my name. Those are the only "legal" ways to remove your name. We had originally addressed it in our legal separation agreement and then in the divorce settlement that it was his reponsibility to pay but until your name is actually no long on the mortgage you are still equally liable to pay the note. The upside and what my ex chose to do was refinance the mortgage - he got a better interest rate and also rolled the cost of refinancing into the loan. Without having removed my name from that mortgage I would not have been able to purchase my own home last year....you never know what you'll want in the future so I wouldn't wait. Also, even when I had to buy a new car the old mortgage came up as a debt so, just another reason why it needs to be taken care of.
If you are moving on and he can't handle the bills, why don't you just sell the house. Are your kids with him or another man? That may be a factor in your leaving as well.
Its my understanding that you'd have to have it refinanced into his name alone. Which if he is having money issues, may not happen. Otherwise, maybe you guys should put it up for sale. ( just make sure you sell it before you take on another rent bill!!)
Most lenders will not take your name off. They require your and your boyfriend liable until the note is paid off. Also, if you leave and the boyfriend stays in the home, you have to know that looking at his past history he will not make any mortgage payments and the home will land in foreclosure. That will be a problem for you as well as the foreclosure will be against you and him as both of your names are on said mortgage. It would make more sense that he leaves and you keep the house if you can afford it or at least put it on the market to sell. Good Luck
Since refinancing the home in your friend's name is probably not going to happen - if you are in a position to refinance (now is certainly a good time w/low int. rate and the cost of refinancing is tax deductable) even for a little while until you can sell it and keep your credit in tact. You will need it. Good luck.
P. s
You can contact a title company and sign off on a quit claim deed. However, you will also need to contact the mortgage company and work with them on taking your name off the mortgage. He may have to "buy" out the mortgage from you. I hope that everything goes well for you, and good luck.
S.,
This response probably seems random, but have you read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle? Its the current "Oprah's Book Club" book. When I read your request I could feel the stress that you are going through in your life right now. "A New Earth" may be able to help you release some stress and breath easier.
-S.
I think it would be very smart of you to consult an attorney about this. If you have built up any equity at all in your home you may be entitled to half of that if giving up your half of ownership. Most attorneys will give a free initial consultation and could at least steer you in the right direction. Best of luck to you!
Sounds like this looser ex is going to be in your life for the next 24 years or so.
One option, if the bank will even take it seriously, is to Refinance. Since he has such bad credit, he won't get financing. No lending institution is going to put such a bad risk on a new mortgage, especially in this climate of sub-prime loan disasters.
If your credit and income will qualify, the bank may let you refinance and put the house in your name only, which then you could turn around and put up on the market if you wanted to sell.
Either way, he has to agree to the refinance. He may want part or all of the equity when you refinance. It would be worth the loss just to get him gone and out of your life:financial and otherwise.
Unless you can refinance, you are stuck legally and contractually with this guy for the life of the loan. You are financially responsible for the life of this loan, should you just move out but leave your name on the mortgage. If you go and he defaults, they will be all to happy to come to you for back payments and taxes.
Without refinancing, don't just let him move out. If he moves out and you stay, he can still come back when he wants to and with whom. For it is still his house -for the life of the loan.
Call your lender and get your options. They are not interested in the details of you life with the looser you picked. In this day of forclosures, tell them you need to refinance into your name only-how can you do that. Most lenders do not want another forclosure on their hands. Once you know a plan of action, and only then, present it to the soon to be EX that you are ready to cut ties-and for the sake of the kids and to help him lighten his financial burden, you are willing to take on the house yourself.
Or better yet, before you kick him out, tell him you would like to lessen his financial burden because you see how much he is struggling and will take the loan on yourself. Once the papers are signed, give him a 30 days written notice of Bye-Bye.
Good luck
No, it is not easy. I am a real estate agent and went through a divorce 2 years ago. The only safe guard is for him to refinance the property in only his name. Which, if he has bad credit, may not be possible. You're in a tough situation, you will destroy your credit if you walk away from your mortgage. How do you talk him into selling might be the real question. Sorry I couldn't bring you great answers.Good luck.
I am sorry to hear about all you are having to go through right now. I haven't been in your situation, but in things I have heard just from being around things, if that makes sense, is that if both of your names are on it, you are still responsible. I would suggest making him leave the house if you are still capable of keeping the payments. If you leave the house and he doesn't make the payments then you are left to make the house payments and pay for an apartment. If you get him to leave, you could lease your house or put it up for sale and then get an apartment. If you leased your house you may be able to cover your mortgage and insurance and possibly have a little to go towards your apartment. It's definitely worth looking into. If he isn't able to keep his bank account in the black and pay the bills he does have, he definitely won't be paying the house, even if he says he will. Then you have lost your credit. You don't want that. I am by no means an expert, but just wanted to give you my advice. I hope this helps some.
HI S.! I've been in the mortgage industry since 1993 and it is not easy, you either have to sell the property or refinance to get the other one out. If he doesn't pay it, it will negatively affect your credit score. SO if he doesn't want to be responsible financially, you should have him quit claim the deed to you (you can do it through a lawyer or the title company) and then you can sell it or refinance without his bad credit. Some lenders let you do a streamline refinance without closing costs or appraisal, check with your mortgage co. and see if that is an option available to you.
I'm sorry about your loser boyfriend. I was in a similiar situation with my loser soon to be ex husband. Last year, I decided I wanted to leave, so I moved out (and gave him NO notice). I left at a good time because he had been paying the mortgage on time every month, even though he was unemployed. Well now, 9 months later, he hasn't made a mortgage payment since I left!!! So of course, they are going to foreclose on the house. Since the house is in both our names, the foreclosure will go against me as well, just like all these months of non payment has gone on my credit. If I waited until now to try to move out, I wouldn't be able to get an apartment because of our mortgage history. So if you're going to go, go when your mortgage is still in good standing so you can get an apartment. But getting your name off the house is not possible. If you both agree, he can try to refinance the house in his name only, and that would get you off. You also may want to call your mortgage company and ask if you can sign the house over to him. However, if he suspects this will hurt him more than it hurts you (like he would incur the full debt of the house and you walk away from the debt) he may not be willing to do this. Your options are limited here since that house belongs as much to you as it does to him. But again, if you want to leave, leave before your credit gets jacked up, so you will be able to have a home for you and your kids....and by the way, things have turned out great for me and my 3 kids. I wish you the best!
That is not all that easy, since the debt is in both of your names, to get a name removed, the debt will have to be refinanced. Or sold. Contact your mortgage holder and get their advice.
S. S,
You need to contact your mortgage company and ask them that question. Most probably, your boyfriend will have to purchase the home from you. Unless you have an assumable mortgage, he will probably have to get a new one. Since it sounds as if his credit is bad, he may not be able to do that. Maybe the best solution is for yall both to sell the home and move on.
I hope I'm wrong. I wish I had better news. You didn't say what area you live in, but if you need the help of a good Realtor (or mortgage company) in your area, please let me know. I'm an agent with Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage in the Southlake area. If you need help, you can contact me at ____@____.com or check out my web site at www.debdunn.com. I can refer you to someone who markets your area.
Deb D
