We live on a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood with a lot of children. In springs/summers past, we've enjoyed riding bikes, chalking, and playing our cul-de-sac with the the others kids from our court. Recently, 7-8 other kids have discovered my neighbors' wealth of bikes and have joined in. I take issue with this because their parents are not coming with them. I've started telling my neighbor before our scheduled play times that we'd be happy to play outside, but if she's going to let the other children play with bikes and things, she's pretty much assuming responsibility for them, and I won't be a part of it; my kids and I will go home and play in our yard, and her and her kids are welcome to join us.
Is this the right attitude to have? I hate to spoil the fun for the kids whose parents can't/won't watch them, but I can't be responsible for them, and frankly, I don't want to be. I get easily overwhelmed!
My neighbor understands my point of view and why I leave, but she disagrees that she's responsible if anything were to happen and she's the only adult there. I've suggested that she tell the kids they're welcome to play with her things as long as a grown-up comes with them, but she doesn't see the big deal.
To clear up some questions that have come up, normally it's me, my two girls (8 and 5) my neighbor and her boys (2 and 5), the little girl she watches (7) and the little boy across the street (whose father is in the driveway working on the car when his son comes out to play). I take no issue with these children. We provide juice boxes, popsicles, and supervision equally. Unfortunately, we don't live in a neighborhood that I would feel comfortable leaving my children unattended in...not even in our fenced in yard. Because of my own past experiences, I tend to be more of a worrier than most. 3 of the children that come to play are provided daycare by the lady on the corner (she has come out to say she can see them from her upstairs window...magically with her blinds closed). The other kids come out of nowhere it seems. I've seen them all OVER the neighborhood on any given day and have never seen a parent. Ever. Based on feedback I've gotten from school about other situations, I do not live in an area with highly involved parents. I understand that, too. It's just not me. I love the idea of my kids playing in the neighborhood and doing all the same things I used to do when I was little. Unfortunately, it's a different, somewhat darker, and definitely more litigious world we live in now, and I guess my comfort level is just a little different than most. I guess that answers my own question. :) Thanks for your help, Moms!! :)
Also...this isn't at her house or on her property. It's in the middle of the cul-de-sac. There is no sending kids home off of community property, and I'm not trying to kick kids out of our neighborhood...I enjoy kids at play. I don't think I'm "taking my ball and going home" as much as I'm trying to avoid culpability and chaos. If I'm the only one that's uncomfortable, it probably is best that I'm the one that goes. Between my girls' activities, this isn't an all the time situation anyway.
Legally, she is responsible for them. If anything happens, it would be her fault since the law allows legal finger pointing. If I knew the kids and the parent well, it wouldn't bother me. If I didn't, however, I would feel the same as you.
Everyone has a different comfort level & nowadays, you kinda have to err on the side of caution for fear of a sue happy parent. Do what is comfortable for you & let her do what she wants...
I read your post and couldn't figure out if I should be sad or angry. Children just want to play and make friends. Kids attract kids. If you lived in a neighborhood with more adults your kids would be miserable because some adults can't stand children at play.
I find if easier to get to know all the chldren that come to play in my neighborhood. If anything happens I take them back to their homes and explain things to their parents or guardians.
What are you teaching your kids about being neighborly and is your neighbor only the people on your cul-de-sac?
My kids are older now and have friends in several different neighborhoods and towns as well as on our street and I know them all I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad for the opportunity to know who my kids are spending time with and I'm also glad for the opportunity to positively influence his generation for the better. Perhaps you would do well to consider the same.
FYI - my aunt was once sued by the parents of one of her son's friends but this didn't stop her home from being the place where all the boys hung out.
But I guess different people see things differently. It's fine but it makes me sad when adults don't want kids to play together.
My understanding is that if they are using your equipment and/or are on your property, you become responsible. You might want to verify your local laws and/or homeowner's insurance. If that were me, the bikes would go away at the very least. I'm fine with neighboring kids if my kids want to play with them, but (for example) no child is allowed to use our trampoline without supervision AND permission. Just because you have the coveted *insert thing here* doesn't mean you always have to share them. I would also take issue with kids coming for the TOYS and not because they were friends with my children.
Kids do get hurt and then it's on you as the adult on the scene. The two times a child has gotten hurt on our watch/property the parents were good friends and didn't sue, but an unknown kid with unknown parents might. We were even watching them but, for example, the one girl did the age-old flying dismount from a swing and required surgery on her elbow. It happens in the blink of an eye.
At the very least, who would she notify? I guess just 911. I know we once roamed the neighborhood, but generally within an area where we were known/between friends' houses.
we also live on a cul-de-sac and have had other neighborhood kids come and play because we have 3 kids but every single outdoor plaything you can imagine! I actually walk over to the kids house and knock on the door and say, your kid is playing over on my street just so you know. I also say, the kids are riding their bike, scooters, rollerblades, etc, so if that kid has their own, they know to bring it over. And being an insurance agent, I will say, if you have a trampoline, bike ramp, etc, that YOU are allowing the neighborhood kids to play on, if they get hurt, you are responsible and can be sued (your home insurance liability is what would cover that) whether the kids parent is there or not. I would feel better being out there watching the kids no matter how many are there then to leave and take my family in the house or backyard and wonder what the kids are doing in my front yard. I'm not shy and don't have a problem telling any of the kids to stop doing something they are not supposed to be doing. Good luck.
I agree with you. She is naive and plenty of people will sue.
Plus, we have the cool toys and I don't allow kids to come for the toys only
When other children come onto my property it's with the understanding that they play by my rules. Doubly so if they play with our toys/equipment. If your friend is laying down ground rules every time these kids play with and on her property then I don't see any problems, and I don't see why you would feel that you have to "take your ball and go home" attitude. The fact that you're on her property when there are other neighborhood children there doesn't make you complicit if someone gets hurt. It makes you a witness. But more importantly it makes you an extra Mommy who can call the kids' parents and offer an extra bandage and hug for a scraped knee.
I enjoy being the house on the street where everyone gravitates to play. It means that my children won't wander. The other parents on the street know me and trust me and I take that trust seriously. It's special. My home is the safe place on the street and the kids know it. I have the toys, the games, the treats. There's always supervision and there are always rules about respect and turn taking.
i think you have to do what you need to do for yourself and know your limitations. if you get overwhelmed, then going home is probably best.
but i'm with your neighbor. i loved being the house where the kids came to play, and would never take my kids away from a fun situation like that. i know we live in a litigious world, but dammit, it's a world that's supposed to lived in. i just can't always take the fear-based position. kids riding bikes is a GOOD thing in suzland.
khairete
S.
I don't see the big deal either, I live in an aprtment complex right next to the playground I let my 10 yo and 7 yo play outside with 2 other 8 yo relatively unsupervised. I would absolutely not expect a parent that was outside with his/ her kids on the playground to be responsible for anything my kids did. On the flip side if my girls were annoying their kids i would be fine with the parents saying something. I know both the kids and where they live. If you live in a sfe area and kids are able to play outside safely that is awesome! not everywhere is like that! I think it teaches kids socialization and responsibity and problem solving, not having a parent hovering over everything they do.
If she lives in the neighborhood and knows the parents I don't see a problem here. I have easily 3-5 kids that aren't mine at my house at any given time. They ride bikes, scooters, jump on trampolines, swim in our pool (yes before they swim they call parents and are never left alone in the pool or on the trampoline). I know who their parents are I am not really worried if they get hurt, I call their mom/ walk them home/ or just put a band aid on it the same happens with my son at any neighbors house. Is our world really so sinister that we worry about kids playing at a neighbors house?
I think you are right to go home and take your kids with you. I remember when I was a kid I rode my bike all over the neighborhood and so did just about every other kid around. We always ended up at one another's houses playing this game or toys. I would hear my mom call me or my dad whistle and I would head home. They didn't know exactly where I was all the time but I was never far from home.
I do not let my grandkids out of my sight at stores or other settings where I don't know the situation. I do let my grand daughter go play at the neighbors house without standing in the front yard watching her play at their house. My philosophy is that it takes a village and all the adults keeping tabs.
Have you tried contacting the parents of the other children? Are they aware that it is not just "their child" but there are 7-8 other kids, plus yours and your neighbors? They need to be aware that you cannot babysit vast numbers of children, and they should accompany them, or contact you first to make sure it is okay. If your neighbor is okay with watching 10-20 kids, most of whom are not hers, then that is her problem not yours.
I think you are totally right on for going home and removing yourself and your kids when you feel uncomfortable. Unfortuately, you have told your neighbor your opinion and she is choosing not to take your advice. You have done what you can. I suggest you watch your kids and not worry about the rest----Or if you want to do something, ask the kids where they live, and some info about their home life. Maybe you will be able to pinpoint where they come from and then can go and talk with the parents. But if it were me, I would leave it alone. Best wishes!
M
I see your point.
What if one falls and breaks an arm?
How do you handle it when they start to get to rough?
We lived in an area like a cul de sac in that it was a dead in street but more horse shoe shape and the boys that lived there would ride there bikes trying to kick a ball at the same time or one would kick the ball and the bike rider would try and dodge it. Once the bike rider ran into my then 4 year old! I was SO Hopping MAD! What made it worse is no Mom or Dad came out to apologize! EVER! No one asked if she was alright! Even a week later. NOTHING!
Point is, things can happen even on accident.
In the very least get the phone number of the parents so if something happens a call can be made to them as the child makes there way home.
Hi E.,
I think you have been pretty clear and what you said was not at all obnoxious, but very smart on your end.
Bike safety is something only an adult can ultimately ensure. You don't need to be the person telling the kids to wear their helmets or to watch for cars. If their parents refuse to take responsibility for their children, and your neighbor refuses to accept reality, nothing else can be done and you are making a good choice in leaving the situation.
The 'friendly neighbor' thing for your bike-providing neighbor to do would be to organize a block party or to host an ice cream social for 'families' to attend, maybe even at the local park so the kids can't just be sent over. But providing bikes to the kids, just for the asking? That's taking a legal gamble, and their are laws which guard against allowing children access to 'attractive hazards'. These laws are meant to protect the safety of children.
I think for me it would depend on the kids ages. If they were too young to be playing unsupervised in the neighborhood, then yes I'd probably feel uncomfortable about it.
But, overall, I don't think your the one that would have to worry about being responsible. Its not your bikes and/or house. So, I don't think you should have anything to be uncomfortable about anyway.
Other children coming over uninvited to play are not your responsibility or your neighbor's responsibility. Have you spoken to the parents of these extra kids? If a parent is going to let their children roam the neighborhood unsupervised they are responsible for them.
