How Do I Get Things Done?

Welcome to motherhood!! You may be interested in getting a sling. When my daughter gets clingy I carry her around in her sling. Sometimes you need to just forget the housework and remember that they are only young for a few years. IT is hard for me to do, but very important to have that perspective.

I have a 2 month old but have been successful in doing this type of cleaning by putting her on the bed while I clean my bedroom closet, etc. I just take breaks to talk to her or move her in another position. I suggest setting a day or two to do it and do it while he is sleeping. I have gotten used to having to break up large tasks into 2-3 days. My baby will usually sit by herself looking at mirror or toys for 10 minutes at a time but I use that time for throwing a load of laundry in or taking a shower.

E.,

Congrats on your little wonder. I have three children, and if I have learned anything, it has been that it does not hurt the child to cry. If you constantly carry your child around because he cries if not being held, you are going to have a rough time getting the child over this bad habit. My niece is four and her mom still carriers her around on her hip (and Grandma, too!). She has had a very rough time getting ajusted to pre-school because she does not get carried at school. As much as it breaks your heart to hear your little one crying, he needs that independence, just as you do. Also, try playing some music or TV while putting him down for a nap or at bed at night. If you make it too quiet, every fire truck, loud kids playing outside, phone rining, will wake him up. He needs to have some background noise so he gets used to sleeping when it's not completely quiet. You should not have to do all your "chores" at night after the little one is down for the night. You need some day light time to yourself to get these things done or just take a break. I can't imagine raising a child by yourself, but you have made it this far, and you are obviously a good mom, or you wouldn't be so worried about letting your baby cry. Don't get me wrong: sometimes, it's ok to pick them up when they are crying. When you are having a bad day, that comfort you get from cuddling your child can make everything better! But do not let your child dictate when you can get things done. You are in charge and a few tears will make your child a little more independant. Good luck and hang in there! :o)

Sometimes I would put my son in a laundry basket with some toys in the same room as me and he would play in there and I could get some things done. We also used an exersaucer sometimes. Or do you have anyone that could watch him for awhile so you could get some things done? Another thing that we do now is when he is sleeping we have a fan turned on to help block out some of the other noises. They also make white noise cds but I think a fan works just as well. I hope you find something that works!!

Hi - I struggle with the same issue although my children are 2 and 4. I would advise getting a babysitter for 8 hours on a Saturday and re-org your room and house so you are able to find things quickly when you need them. Make upkeep a part of your daily routine. That is my plan anyways :)

I would just get white noise for your sons room ie a fan or one of those clocks that has the nature sounds. We used a fan for my daughter because she would wake up at even the toilet flushing. It will help, just make sure it's not where he can put his little fingers into it.

Now is also the time that his first round of separation anxiety kicks in. He doesn't think you are coming back when he can't see you. Until he is mobile it will be difficult for you to get anything done, so I recommend bringing his pack and play into your room so you can clean...if it won't fit in your room, put it right in the doorway so he can still see you.

Good luck! Being a single parent isn't easy, but it is very rewarding!!! I was a single parent for 9 years

I would recommend getting a nice sling or wrap to carry him in while you work. (as opposed to a carrier) My favorite's are the Moby D wrap, and the Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch (you can get either at Peapods in St. Paul). With the Moby D you could sling him on your back while you work. Plus, with the little added weight you get extra exercise to get back in shape!

They also make toys that attach to the sling to help keep him entertained - http://www.kangarookorner.com/c-23-baby-clips-and-toys.aspx

Also, I don't know if it's possible for him to change the habit, but most babies that get worn all the time, just sleep in the sling and can sleep thru noises like a creaky floor.

As for all the advice saying letting him cry it out - that's horrible! (esp. the part about it becoming a "bad habit") Your baby has just spent 9 months entirely encapsulated inside of you, and now he's learning all about being outside of the womb. It's scary enough just not being inside - but to be without contact is traumatic for a baby.

Honestly, anyone who's concerned about your child's independence, will fare better by keeping him close when young so he learns trust. The more distant babies are kept when they're young, the more likely they'll end up clingy and needy when they're older, because they never had the bond that they needed.

You can read more about the impact of babywearing at any Attachment Parenting website (just a name for something people have been doing for centuries) -

http://www.attachmentparenting.com/princtouch.shtml

http://www.wearsthebaby.com/babywearing/babywearing.htm

I also agree with the idea of getting involved in a Babysitting Coop where you swap taking care of each others kids (usually just a few moms per group).

Good luck!

Oh my i'm right there with you. I know the feeling I sometimes wonder how people do it keep a nice home and raise a child. The only thing that i can suggest and it's the only thing that i can do to keep my daughter busy when i'm in the kitchen. is pull the highchair up to a drawer thats full of harmless things like rubber spatulas wooden spoons and the such and let him go to town throwing that stuff on the floor when you are doing the dishes. I know this sounds strange saying let him make a mess but that mess picks relatively fast. He'll be quite intrigued with all the new things in the drawer that he wont notice that you are busy with something else. as for the bedroom you could try letting him play in a pile of clothes that you are cleaning up or something. My daughter just loves to play in the clothes. Try adn keep them in the room with you so he can see you and give hime new and different things to play with. Anything can be a toy and if it's out of the ordinary it will be especially exciting to check it out.

Many have said to me to let her just cry and she will learn that i wont come for every beck and cry and i tried that but i really didnt notice that she ever learned that i wouldnt come. She would just continue to scream the whole time. So i just really tried to find something differnt for her to do in the same room as i am in. Sometimes they just need to be close and snuggle with mom as well and that will pass just might be a phase.

I hope things get better for you. I completely understand how frustrating it can be. Try and take the time after he goes to bed for yourself take a long bath or just relax with a glass of wine or read a book that you want to read, just something for yourself.

My daughter is 15 months now and I can totally relate to how you're feeling. She needed me all of the time. I couldn't put her down for more than a couple of minutes and she would start crying. Some babies need more connection and touch than others. My biggest challenge with having a baby was losing my freedom to accomplish what I wanted to do. I really had a hard time with this.

Here's what I've learned: 1) It gets better, especially when they learn to walk they become more independent and don't need to be held as much, so remember this will only last a few more months and than it will get a little easier. 2) It helps to make peace with the fact that your house is messier than you want it to be right now. Again this is just for now, not forever. If you can take a few deep breaths and accept this, you'll feel better. 3) You can't clean for an hour or two, like you used to, but you can accomplish things in small bites. You can clean for 5 minutes here and there. It's maybe not as satisfying to you, but you can get things done if you just focus on what can you pick up and clean up in a couple minutes at a time.

Life is very different with a little critter that needs you so much. If you can make peace with this fact, you'll feel a lot better.

P.

Here's a comforting statement I read once.
"Parents of happy children have messy houses."

We lived in a pig stye for a while. The floor wasn't swept unless I had time and if it didn't get done for a while, so be it. I'd eventually get to it. Spread out your chores inbetween playtime and bring your little one with. Try to make everything a game. When I did laundry with my daughter, I would let her sit in the laundry tub with a little water on the bottom, while I sorted the clothes and got the first load started. While I sorted the laundry, I'd play peek-a-boo over the edge of the tub and that kept her entertained. When it came to doing the dishes or mopping...I gave her a clean-wet rag on the floor and some plastic dishes and she would have fun doing the dishes herself or making a mess on the floor...then, I would play with her a bit all along. Everything is a game with a little creativity. Then, after he's been good about playing "your games"...you can take a 1/2 hour of time and play a game he wants to play, with his toys. :)

Good luck,...it does get better. :)

Ok I am also a single mom. My daughter was 6weeks old when her dad was abusive. I can't tell you how hard that first year was. But I will PROMISE you it get's so much easier. I tried everything when my daughter was that age, play pens, toys. The best thing that worked for me was putting her in her highchair and letting her eat(in complete supervision) and doing stuff then like dishes etc., or putting her in her bedroom with a gate in the doorway. It was the only way I could take a shower. My room was trash pit too and was off limits door shut. It was very hard trying to work full time and be a parent without any help or breaks. I swear it get's easier. My daughter is now 5.5 and HELPS me with everything. She's got her little jobs like taking a rag and dusting, washing the kitchen table, brining the dirty clothes to the laundry room, putting her clothes away, helping me cook, unloading the dishwasher etc. I have to be very strict and keep on top of it. We always clean up before bed every night too that's our ritual. We pick up anything that we messed up and get things out for the next day like clothing or whatnot. When my daughter goofs off or doesn't listen she doesn't get out of it, I've been known to make her stay awake past bedtime. So she knows now mom means buisness. We don't clean clean every nght we just pick up after ourselves and keep the house up otherwise it's a disaster site by the weekend. I've also learned to be quite organized especially with kids.. They have extra curriculars(soccer cleats,uniforms), home work, school papers, toys, arts/crafts, hats mittens, coats, shoes.... it get's crazy. Good Luck it get's easier with time.

Here is the thing. It will not hurt him to let him cry it out alittle. I have 3 kids and honestly if I did not stick the baby in the playpen on occasion I would die. It sounds like he is getting the attachment thing going on and trust me if you do not do something to break it now you are doomed later. My friends daughter would actually get so mad when her mom left to go to the store or even go outside to bring out the garbage that she would freak out and poop every time. They have to get used to you not being there 24/7 he is also at the age where he is realizing that he is his own person and not a part of you anymore. It will be stressful for the first couple times and yes it will be painful to hear him screaming but just put a playpen at the door of your room and let him watch u clean. But don't feel like a bad parent. All parents go through this. Also just remember that when we were kids we basically lived in playpens till we were 2 or 3. Hang in there and Good Luck

Hi E.,

I also am a single mother, but I have 2 children and went through my divorce when I was pregnant with my second child. It's not easy being a single mom, but trust me, once you get a routine established it gets so much better. My kids are now 4 and 2 and I wouldn't change anything. I am proud of all I have accomplished with my children. My daughter was very clingy and wanting to be help a lot and its not uncommon at that the age your son is. My apartment used to be a disaster but I did a lot of research and went to a single moms group and shared ideas and everything and established some wonderful habits for my kids and I. It took a while to get over the guilt of listening to my daughter cry because she just wanted me to hold her, but once I started including her on things and she found it fun it got so much easier. Like others have said, don't be quiet just so your boy can sleep. Make noise. Don't put him in his crib once he's asleep put him down before he's asleep and do it at the same times each day. He may cry awhile the first few times but he will fall asleep and the noise will be comforting for him. To this day my kids can fall asleep on the couches in the living room and I can vaccum and do dishes and play the radio and stuff and they will sleep through it. I love it. My advice is to make noise, keep a radio on or clean and all that. If I was cleaning in my room with the kids awake, I'd bring the kids in there and give them each something to do to help out. Either that or if you have a play pen bring it in there with you and put some toys in there and maybe a little snack and just don't let it bother you if he cries. To this day my kids love to help clean. If I give them each a baby wipe they will go and clean things around the apartment with them. They love being a part of cleaning. Even dishes. I put all my spatulas and measuring cups and stuff in a lower drawer and they love playing with them. Just try to include your son in the things you do. Even at his age you'd be surprised at how much they enjoy just getting to be a part of the action. Yes, it's hard, but you'll make it. Just remember don't give in to the constant need and want of being held.

Every time I see a message like yours it brings back a flood of memories from when my oldest, now 5, was a baby. I felt like I had to be at her beck and call 24/7. In the end it bit me in the butt because she's still SO dependent on me. My other 3 kids sleep through the night and she's the one crying every time she has to go potty or is too hot. She never learned to sooth herself. Now that I have 4 kids I used the exersaucer for my youngest when I had to do things. I would just drag him around behind me to whatever room I was in. The laundry basket idea mentioned before is great too. I used to do that also.
I know it's hard to get through the guilt of letting them cry sometimes but with 4 kids I can't always be there to entertain and ya know what, they've all lived through it :o) A little whining never killed any of them, LOL.
Best Wishes,
J.
PS. A pat on the back to you for being a pretty great single Mom from what I can see.

I had my best luck switching between a sling and backpack. Backpacks can be purchased at Once Upon a Child pretty cheaply - just make sure you get one with a chest and hip strap and adjust it according to the directions (get the directions online from the manufacturer's website if you buy the backpack second-hand).

The next thing I would recommend is to ruthlessly go through the stuff you have and box a bunch up - I was amazed at how much less stressful my day was when I had fewer things to worry about. Think about what you would want if you moved to a smaller place, or what you would miss if there was a fire - that level of culling.

Don't forget to go through your closet, too - getting rid of clothes you never wear is great - it makes picking clothes easier in the morning, gives you space in your closet, and minimizes laundry.

For while baby is sleeping, I'd recommend getting a white noise generator or a cheap fan - that would help a lot keeping the baby from waking due to creaky floors. You might also try playing some music - that does wonders for covering up sporadic noise. I've even run a hairdryer (on cold) or vacuum cleaner.

Bins and baskets are going to be very helpful for a while - you will not be able to keep your house as clean as you used to pre-baby (that's going to be true for a long time) but it can be much less of a mental drain if you at least throw everything into a laundry basket or some other container. Don't feel like you have to buy some expensive storage - even cardboard boxes work just fine.

Finally, if you know any responsible 10+ year olds, consider asking them to come be "mothers helper" for a half hour once a week (or whatever works for you). You stay there, but they entertain the baby. They can be as cheap as $0.50 or $1.00. It might give you enough uninterrupted minutes in a row to get something done.

I'm a single mother myself, and I understand what you are going through. What I've found is that my daughter is ok as long as I'm constantly engaging her. If I'm emptying the diswasher I put her in the kitchen and give her some tupperwear to bang around, and if I'm folding laundry I'll give her a burp cloth or something. The entire time I tell her how much she's helping mommy and how great it is. She thinks it is hillarious. As far as vaccuuming or other heavy duty cleaning, I either do that after she goes to bed, or I have someone watch her. If you can't afford babysitting, do you have any close friends who would come over to play with the baby during the time you need to clean, or relatives can help too. I hope this helps! Good luck, and remember if you can't dust as much as you'd like.. This too shall pass, and it doesn't reflect negatively on you as a mother to have a messy house at times. It just shows you have your priorities in order!

Kids are messy little critters, aren't they! I have several single mom friends, and the way they get things done is they support each other by trading childcare so they can run errands, clean, have time to themselves, etc. If you have someone you can do this with once a week, I'd totally recommend it. Or just once, so you can get stuff sorted through and organized, and maybe that will make it easier to maintain. Can you also just kind of accept that your place will be messy-not forever, but while your baby is really needy? It won't last forever. Best of luck.

I agree with the white noise, but becareful, that can have its problems, too. When my oldest was a baby (she will be 23 this week!) I used a radio playing quietly in her room. To this day she needs music on to go to sleep. My 16 year old had a fan and she still uses it. To top it all off, my hubby still needs a fan going.

I used a front pack or drug the chair or exersaucer with me. My 6 year old used to sit on the counter in her infant chair and watch me cook or do dishes. I even had to put her exersaucer on the porch or her pack n play outside in order to mow the lawn.

I have two suggestions which may help. I know that laundry piles up quickly when you have a little one, but your bedroom should be your haven and you cant rest or relax there when it is messy and chaotic, so maybe let the laundry go for a day or two? It will still be there and it is not the end of the world if it piles up a bit. So maybe focus on your room and let the other stuff go for a bit? Or, maybe try a mothers helper. I recommend this all the time here, and I have never gotten feedback on it , but it was a lifesaver for me when my daughter was young and the budget was tight. Have any young girl you know come over after school for an hour or two a week, someone younger than would babysit for you, but may need expereince to start babysitting in a few years. She can change, rock or play with the baby while you get your feet under you, and she gets the experience(with you in the house) or a small fee. Hope something here helps!

HI,

My daughter was kinda like that so what I did was got one of those pouches you put on your chest and you can put him in it for now. Other than that I would just say put him in the same room as you are in, Maybe try a swing in the room with you. He is going thru that part of life where the baby thinks if he can't see you then you have disappered. I have three kids and my youngest was the worst with that. As soon as he knows that you will be back after leaving his site he will be ok.I hoped I helped.