Have Reconciled with Ex-husband and Happy, but Have One Huge Issue to Face...

How is the woman? Is she willing to accept you and does she want her son to know his father? I would suggest thinking about it in this way - giving her the benefit of the doubt - did she know he was just separated and wanting to come back to you? Does she still want him? Don't look at the baby as a bad thing b/c it was something your husband did when you were separated. I know that is much easier said than done, however, you CAN love the baby. Kids of parents who are no longer together CAN thrive if they see that ALL parents (including step) can work together.

Now, after I say this let me tell you that I live both worlds. I have a daughter who is 14 and just moved in with her dad and stepmom. THEY are WONDERFUL, and some of our close friends. We all work together and have a relationship most don't think is possible.

On the other hand, we have full custody of my husband's two daughters. The "mom" is insane - no lie. He won custody four years ago and after constant court battles (which I do not suggest!) she was ordered sup'd visitation and now doesn't see them at all. They have adjusted very, very well, and are doing better without her drug and alienating behaviors.

I told you that so you'd know that I do see both sides. If the mother is not easy to work with, things can get harder. But, talk to your husband (soon to be) and see if this is something you can both handle before you get remarried. Otherwise it could lead to another divorce. Just don't ever deny him the right to see his son, in fact, encourage it. Think about it this way - he is a baby, you will know him since he's tiny and be able to form a bond with him without his having future knowledge of anything. I hope that makes sense! Good luck!

You both love each other he made a mistake and now has a baby that you both can care for and love. How lucky is that baby. As for you yes it is going to be hard, but you love him and you can do it. Just keep going to therapy let all your feelings out. Do not bottle anything in because it will only make it worse. He is going through a lot as well so as long as you are both there for each other everything is going to be fine. I will be praying for you and your family and best of luck.

I can only imagine what you are going through emotionally. I have someone close to me who went through this same exact situation as you have and it ruined his marriage to his first wife, yet he's married to his 2nd wife (baby's mama) and they are happy.

I would only say that you already have come to terms with what is right. This child deserves to have his father in his life, and you should 100% support that, just as you seem willing to undertake. I am sure it will be a challenge in some aspect, but I would make it a point to become involved in this baby's life too. That way you are apart of the relationship now that is between your mate, and his ex partner. I know it's not always as black and white as that as there is emotions involved too, but just treat the baby as you would your own baby.

I think if you address the situation logically and factually, this can be a positive environment. This baby has a wide extended family of siblings, as well as a step mom. I HOPE the baby's mama is okay with this situation because really, she has no alternative that is viable. She doesn't have the right to take the baby from your husband just because she's mad/jealous/doesn't ever want to see him again. Hopefully she's woman enough to do what's right for her child, just as your husband and you are doing what's right for the child.

Just as Dr. Laura says, "Now go do the right thing."

Best of luck and thoughts and prayers to your family during this transition and difficult time of adjustment.

P.S. I agree whole hearted with the person who suggested a ministry program for you and your husband.

Oh my goodness, you sound exactly like a situation our best friends were facing (only they were younger and trying to stay engaged, so it is a little different.) While I cant give you direction on how, I can say that it can be forgiven and become part of your life. I watch Krissy (the friend) grieve because her fiance's first child would be with someone else. They still got married, and have really worked hard to make this work. The first few years were tough! Jon felt guilty for taking care of the baby, and Krissy resented the attention he gave her at first, but you are a mother, so you will understand that! You are stronger than you think, and thugh it is cliche', time will really help this one. Time, and dealing with the firsts....the first time you see her, the first time you meet the baby, hold him....this was all a struggle, but each step that was taken, was a step in the right direction. Continue therapy, and do something for yourself, to help build your personal confidence....going to the gym or whatever. That really seemed to help my friend, because that self doubt was the biggest obstacle of all. I wish you the best of luck, and if you have any other questions, or just need to vent, I'd be happy to help. We were right there every step of the way with these friends of ours, and I know you can do this!! Hang in there!!~A.~

It's good he will be involved in the baby's life. Please don't treat the child any different like an outcast, he didn't ask to be brought into this situation. Not that you would intentionally, but kids pick up when they are not wanted, or maybe he will feel like he is just a deterrent to your happy and revived family.

I just have to say that children are never mistakes, so the baby shouldn't be treated as one. Just consider your new relationship with your ex-husband as a fresh start that comes included with a new baby. Make it work. Be happy. :)

i know you are hurting, but try to think about that little boy's hurt if he were to grow up with a father that abandoned him. it happened to you at 15, don't let it happen to this little boy, too!

i would say stay in marriage counsiling and church!!! you join a women's group and he join a men's group for extra support.

oh, and the comment "sex is just sex" for men comment isn't true all the time!

all the best, liz