Ending Co Sleeping

This is going to be hard. Do this when you don't have to work the next 2-3 days. You have to let him cry it out. Let him cry for 15 min. then go in and gently rub his back for 1 min. and leave. Increase the wait time 5 min each time, with you eventually not going in the room, just talking to him so that he knows that you are there. Eventually he will sleep on his own. If you don't end his sleeping with you now, it will only get harder.

He is eventually going t o have to cry it out, so get it over with a move that baby to his own snuggly little bed. It's dangerous for you to sleep with a baby. I have never. (three kids, including twins) Ineed my bed, I am tired. They need to form good sleep habits and comforting themselves is one of them. Believe me I still and always snuggle my kids, but not in bed.

follow your mommy instincts - if you dont think your baby should cry it out then why ask someone elses opinion - as a mother of a 15 year old and a 14 year old in addition to a 6 year old and an 8 month old!! I can guarantee you that "not letting your baby cry it out" wont affect them later in life!

two thoughts here - perhaps transition him to a cosleeper or pack n play in your room if your sure you want him out of your bed. try to pat him or binky him if you think he shouldnt be fed at night... he may be wanting a little comfort rather than food. my 8 month old still eats at 9-10 pm and at 2-3 am and at 5-6 and at 8 :)

and he is a food hound too!

I actually just made this transition this week. Our little one was co-sleeping with us and napping in my arms during the day. Even when she was asleep, I could not set her down in the crib because she would scream bloody murder once she figured out where she was. I began by letting her play in her crib during the day so that she would begin to feel comfortable and not afraid. Then I started putting her in her crib for naps. This was the hard part. I used the pick up/put down method. During the day when she was droggy (but not overtired), I would take her into her room and put on some quiet music and sit in the rocker for a few moments. Then I would gently set her down in her crib. She would cry and I would briefly pick her up and comfort her but then immediately set her down once she was comforted. I had to do this 22 times the fist time before she fell asleep. For the second nap, I had to do this 5 times. She never had to cry it out. And she was always awake when I set her down, I didn't rock her to sleep completely. So far this has worked for us. Now when I put her down to sleep she may whimper a little but then she falls asleep. I would imagine this would take longer to accomplish with a 6 mos old. Who knows how many times you would have to pick up and put down...50 times or more?
What ever you decide to do, trust your instincts. Good luck!

I've been in your position and it's a tough one. We've tried several different options with our son. We first put him in the Pack n'Play next to our bed for a while. After he turned one and still objected to sleeping in his own room we put his mattress on the floor next to our bed. We DID try to let him "cry it out" for two nights in his crib. It was TERRIBLE, it didn't work for us, and he actually became terrified of his crib. At that point we vowed to never try that method again. My instincts told me it was wrong for our family but I tried it anyway.
So yes, my 22 month old still sleeps in bed with us (mind you I was completely opposed to co-sleeping before I had him!) He does start out in his own "toddler bed" every night but makes his way to our bed at some point.
Every family is different and I've come to the realization that it's no one else's business where your child sleeps at night. I think my son will stay in his own bed when he's ready...I've never heard of a high-schooler who still sleeps with mom and dad! They're only small once and after I finally relaxed about the issue I realized how wonderful it is to wake-up to his little smiling face each morning :)
If I were you I would trust my instincts and do what you think is right for your family. Just remember, this is a REALLY big transition for your child so I would do it as gradually as possible. Good luck to you

Despite the flawed "arguments" against co-sleeping, it really is a very safe, healthy, enjoyable way to sleep with your children (and is done all over the world where they don't have problems with infant mortality like we do here). Our son is 17 months and I'm still breastfeeding (occassionally at night, but it doesn't really interfere with my sleep - he just latches on) and co-sleeping. I'm sure someday we'll move him into his own bed, but now's not the time for us.

It sounds like now is the time for you...there's a great book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night" by Elizabeth Pantley that may help you. She gives ideas for non cry-it-out methods, for both babies who are already in cribs, and also for those who have been co-sleeping. (She, I believe, was a co-sleeping parent as well).

Good luck!

A couple of things you said confuse me.

What are 'good sleep habits'? I mean, I prefer to sleep with my husband, and have no intention of transitioning into my own bed so I can have whatever those are... I also cuddle up to him in the night, which so far (24 years now) hasn't proved to be a problem. He's in the military, so when he's gone I 'get' to sleep alone, and frankly it sucks. I'm not sure what I'd feel about myself and my marriage if my husband was in a big hurry to make sure we were sleeping separately...

You may find that if you cut back on the cereal and other solid foods during the day that your son nurses less in the night. It is not a well-known fact that breastmilk is very high in calories and fat and nutrients, particuarly toward the end of the day (milk tends to be waterier early on), making it tremendously more satisfying than the fat-free and nearly nutrition-free 'other choices' (unless you're feeding avocado or prime steak). Cereal, particularly, is extremely low in calories and nutrients, to the point where it fills babies up without giving them much in the way of food, so they end up hungrier, rather than more satisified, later. Kind of like using artificial sweeteners to satisfy a sweet-tooth: whatever the sweet tooth is looking for, the artificial sugars don't have, so people end up consuming a great deal more simple sugars following diet soda than they do if they just drink regular pop...

I don't have any ideas for getting a child used to the loving warmth of his mother to get used to the solitude of a crib, as my kids moved into their own beds on their own... quite a long time before I expected them to. Of course, I was far too lazy to go to the trouble of managing where they slept, preferring at all times to get the maximum amount of sleep possible for *me* whenever there was a choice to make. I couldn't sleep through my kids' crying, so I never made them cry without attending them (I was awake anyhow, so not going to them created more distress, and crying, for them and less sleep for me in the long run).

Unless you know why he's crying (if he's painfully hungry, 'knowing you are there' won't help, for instance), making him cry instead of attending to him will teach him things you may not want him to learn.

I guess at this point, I'd just leave well enough alone or have him next to you whenever he finishes nursing. You can buy a co-sleeper, move a crib next to your bed, securing it so he can't fall between & leaving the side down, or (what I did) create a pallet on the floor next to you that is firm - an exercise mat, very firm quilt, baby bed or crib mattress. Once I woke up & she was missing - had scooted under my bed quite a ways and, sorry to say, had dust in her hair. A lot of babies want Mama during the night and it saves you getting up and down a lot if you just keep him where you can pat him and reach him to nurse and sing to him or whatever. Good luck!

I understand your dilemma. You let baby co-sleep for convenience and now it's a habit you must break, with the least amount of stress! People underestimate the value of sleep, it is not a luxury, it is a necessity for good health and long life - yours and baby's! For the sake of good sleep habits, co-sleeping is not my choice. My bed is sacred to me and my husband only, kids are welcome during the day, but at night we all need sleep (and grown-up things *wink*) Anyway, you cannot acheive the deep sleep that you need while you are laying next to baby, and baby cannot cycle through the necessary sleep stages while his *food* is sitting right at mouth level. There is no nutritional need for a healthy baby to eat at night at his age. I don't think crying it out will help, at least I could never do it even though I am a babywise mom!! But you can still comfort him as you teach him to sleep in his own bed without picking him up and 'undoing' any progress. Contrary to the opinion that he will only learn to 'do without' mom, he will actually learn that you are always nearby, his needs will always be met, and it's okay to go to sleep because you'll always be there when he wakes up! You may not do it overnight, but you'll get there! Good luck to you!
~L.

I never did the co sleeping thing, so I can't really help with most of it. But, I know there is a teddy bear that has a heart beat. That might help a little with the seperation anxiety.

An excellent book to coach your transition: The Sleep Lady: A Gentle Guide to Getting Your Child to Fall Asleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy. (I don't know if I got the title right, but if you Google The Sleep Lady it will come right up).

Dana

K.,

Your question really brought back old memories of my oldest son who slept with me for longer than I care to admit. I didn't think he would ever go to his own bed and actually went to sleeping on the couch before sleeping in his own bed after he left ours. I can't really remember how we got him on his own as he is almost 20 years old now. But what I would like to tell you, and any other Mom who is dealing with a problem: giving up the bottle/binky, bedwetters, bitters, every bad habit that is keeping you up at night and causing you to fret, is don't sweat it. It will pass in it's own good time. Every quirky little thing that Dr. Spock said a child should not do (sleep with parents) will pass. I'm sure there will be Moms with some good ideas, try them, they probably will work. But from where I am now with two grown sons I can honestly say don't let any of those things worry you too much. The kids will be grown and gone much to soon and those little problems will be sweet memories to your Mommy heart one day.

Good luck to you,
S.

I did not breast feed nor am I a big fan of co sleeping. But stop the night feedings first. I have three kids and none of which were fed during the night hours. My pediatrician always said that was not necessary. For most kids its not a necessity its a habit so if you dont start it you dont have this issue. lol But my youngest has had a tremedous amounts of health issues and has had a tendency to sneak in here at night. so it became a fight. I would hold her let her fall asleep again and then put her back to bed. I also nustled the blanket around her to make it feel like momma. So try just holding your son until he falls out then sneak him in his bed. Not sure if you did this or not but a general rule of thumb for parents who co sleep make sure they take naps in their crib so they associate it with sleeping. and they are familiar with it. Have fun and good luck.

I would not be overly anxious to get rid of the all the nursing at night cold turkey at this age... babies get more nutrition from breast milk than from solid food and he may need more of your milk right now until he matures closer to 10 mo. or a year. IMO, I think you should pick either working on nursing less at night OR working on moving to a crib but not both at the same time as this could be much more stressful. I will say that I've tried all kinds of methods for transitioning to a bed with my daughters and my favorite one was the following because it transitioned more gently than the cold turkey "just let them cry it out" method and I think helps the babies adjust better with more security. First is putting them down when they are tired but haven't fallen asleep yet. When they cry, I always address this immediately to attend to any needs they may have. When it appears that they are crying just because they want you, I will start by picking them up the first time and calming them down, when they're calm, I'll lay them down and say "it's bed time". The next time they cry I will NOT pick them up but comfort them from the crib by touching and talking softly, soothingly (maybe rubbing their back, face, or a gentle massage- whatever it is that your baby likes and finds comforting to himself). The following time, comfort him by touching him more briefly and saying "it's bed time". Leave even if he continues crying and wait for 5 minutes before returning. The next time, come back and gently tell him "it's bed time" again. Wait for 10 minutes and continue spacing out your returns by adding another 5 minutes each time you leave until you reach 20 to 30 minutes. I would not let a baby cry for an longer than this.... luckily, it's usually not necessary if you are consistent and say the same words each time. He will learn quickly what you expect out of him. Just be sure that he doesn't develop a need while you are in the process of it like a wet diaper or being too cold or hot, of course. After a few days or maybe as long as a week, you should be able to eliminate picking your baby up the first time and moving straight to calming him with your voice only... probably... Some babies do seem to need a touch in order to feel calmed. but you can make this increasingly brief until you can also eliminate it.) Remember that your baby is transitioning from having you constantly to not having you at all! This is a HUGE deal to your little one. My 2nd baby was probably unusual... she nursed and co-slep through the night until she was 12 months old and then she weaned HERSELF from co-sleeping and nursing cold turkey...I'm guessing there was some issue that I wasn't aware of because from everything I've read, this is rare but, that is from a baby who is twice your sons age. I would not expect him to do this at 6 months. Some babies just need more time to nurse at night for a longer period. Every child has their own rhythm and our job is to find it and work with it to their benefit. IMHO.

I wouldn't cut out the co-sleeping AND the night nursings all at once. Frankly, I would get rid of the night nursings first and then transition to the crib.

My daughter at 6 months was nursing through the night as well... and our pediatrician said it most likely was for COMFORT rather then for nutrition. He suggested when she wakes up...have DADDY soothe her back to sleep. She will KNOW daddy doesn't have milk or a breast. It worked! We cut out all over night feedings in just a few days. AND I had NO engorgment issues, so I immediately knew she was not nursing for nutrition. Our pediatrician said she could have been waking from teething pain or something and I was soothing her back to sleep at the breast.

This allows dad to get involved and lets you know immediately if they REALLY need more food or not. The first couple of nights can be rough....but it gets easier very quickly.

As for transitioning to the crib. Around 7 months we did as well. Our daughter just didn't sleep well with us anymore...she just wanted to play! We actually have her in a pack-n-play next to our bed. We are currently living in Germany in a small apartment, so no nursery. We are moving back this summer and I do not anticipate any real issues moving our daughter to her crib.

I would try having your son move to something IN your room first... and then start moving him to his crib for naps and what not. Slow is better. It's going to be a big adjustment for you both.

You are right-- he does not need to be eating at night. My pediatrician recommends not feeding a child right before bed (my second is 6 mos too). We do dinner (veggies and cereal) around 6ish and then a bath and then a bottle around 7:30 and bed around 8 or 8:30. My pediatrician recommended that I give her a bottle before bath and then rock/sing/read storys and to bed with drozy but still awake.

I don't believe in letting children cry it out for long periods of time. I will let my 6 mos cry up to 10 minutes if I think she will fall asleep. Most of the time I end up rocking her and then standing over the crib and rubbing her tummy and head until she falls asleep.

Good luck!

K.,

I agree with one of the other mom's that you probably shouldn't stop feeding and move him to a crib at the same time.

I would try to move him to the crib first, then he can have mommy come and hold him during the night. After he becomes accustomed to sleeping by himself, then I would reduce the number of night feedings. Just remember, each child is different and your son may not be physically ready yet to give up night feedings. Use your best judgment.

When we transitioned our son out of our bed we put his crib right next to the bed. This way we could touch him when he was restless. Our son was much younger though when we moved him, so it might take longer for you to successfully get your child to sleep on his own, but I think it might be worth it if you and your husband are ready to have your bed back.

We started with the crib right near the bed, then slowly moved it a few feet away over the period of a week. Once he was across the room and was sleeping comfortably consecutive nights, then we moved him to the room adjacent to ours.

Good luck with your transitions.

-C..

Hi K.,
Every baby is different, but this is the way I did it:
First I let her sleep in the new crib in her room during the day when she took naps to get used to the new bed. After about a week, I put her down when she was very tired at night in the crib and added a piece of my clothing. This way she had still the smell from mom. I had to get up and nurse her a couple times at night. Often, I just took her, nursed her for only 2 minutes to calm her down and put her back in the crib. In took a liitle bit, but eventually, she started to sleep longer in a row.

Good luck

Get a water bottle. Fill it up with Hot (Not tooo hot)water, wrap it in one of your night shirts that you havn't washed. That will give him some warmth to snuggle with and your smell.
I always keep my guys in our room until they are 6 mo then transfer them to their crib in the kids room at 6mo. BUT before I transfer them I put them down for naps in their crib so they know its for sleeping. I would suggest YOU sleeping on one of the crib sheets for a few nights so it smells like your bed and "night night home". :-) Don't lay him down asleep unless you absolutely have to. Lay him in the crib, tuck him in how ever you do it, and turn out the light, and walk out... Make it a consistant nightly thing. He self soothes himself to sleep. I would also say no toys in the crib at all... Boredom and darkness usually equals sleep.
Good luck!!

well, my husband is from india where co-sleeping is more the norm, so we did it for much longer. the crib was hard...she always hated it and it created lots of conflict for all of us, wrestling with keeping her in it, getting her back in it in the middle of the night, etc.

at least once we moved at 2yrs or so to a big girl bed with railings one of us could lay down with her and put her to sleep in her bed. as she gets bigger and more active she is more and more likely to stay there but she still loves, esp. when sick or upset, to sleep with us. I would say do what is easiest and least stressful for all of you, and keep some comfortable bedding for one or two of you in his room, so that he can transition to his room WITH you, and not be always alone in the crib? know your child WILL make this transition as he grows, gradually, in retrospect it will seem to have happened quickly!

Get the child out of your bed ASAP. Don't you know the hazards of sleeping with your baby? Babies have died when parents have laid on them. It has even happened when on the couch taking a nap with them. Let him cry.

I really like Dr. Sear's "The Baby Sleep Book." He has a very compassionate approach to all kinds of sleep issues.

Hey,
I too nursed both my kids and they both ended up in my bed due to the convience. With my second...I was just not getting enough sleep. He would wake frequently. So I tried the "cry it out method" It was the hardest thing in the world to do I will warn you. I would rock him to sleep put him down and he would immediately start to cry. So I would hug and kiss lay him back down and tell him how much I loved him. Then repeat that process, go in after ten minutes, then 15 and so on. Tell him each time you love him and tell him it is bed time. don't pick him up, it starts all over then. The first night will be the worst...it may take two hours. Stay strong, the next night gets easier and the next night even easier till the forth night he cried ten minutes and put him self to sleep. They have to learn to put themselves to sleep. My doctor insisted it was not abandonment, it was actually better for him. The Nanny suggests the same thing in her new book. Do the same when he wakes in he middle of the night. It may be a few sleepless nights, but soom you will be getting 5-6 straight hours of deep sleep that will be worth it. I always slept so poorly when the kids slept with me, I know it must be the same for you. I want to add you do need to go in and reassure your son, don't just let him cry. Good luck. It was the hardest thing to do.