Back to Work or Not??!!

Hi K.!

Have you ever considered working from home? I wish I had known about it when my son was younger but I am LOVING being home with him and still bringing in unbelievalbe money. I'm a distributor for a company that does in home "romance" parties for women. I only work about 10hrs a week but I average $600. Let me know if I can give you more information.

~L. P

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Hi K.,

I completely know what you are going through...My daughter is just 4 1/2 months old and I just started back to work last Monday (09/11/06) after being on maternity leave. I was going to stay home longer also but I just started messing around and sending in resumes to see what I could possibly find. I got a job offer right away and am working full time Moday-Friday 8-5pm. I hated to have to go back to work and take my daughter to daycare. I was actually totally excited about my job offer but after about twenty minutes of celebration I came to the realization that I would have to put my daughter in daycare and I just cried my eyes out..."I had been home with her for her "whole life"!!! Lol But now after just a week and a half it feels really good to get up in the morning and go to work. I feel better and when I get home I cherish the time with my children that much more!

Good luck in whatever decision you make and take care :)

I am glad to read that you decided not to go back to work. I just had to struggle with that decision myself and have been back to work for a month, however, I hate it and my last day is October 12th! My son is almost 5 months old and I know that staying home is the best decision for us and I'm glad to see that it's the decision you decided on as well. :)

You have so many great responses that I doubt one more will make a difference but I still had to write. I personally would love to have your situation. It sounds like the best of both worlds. I am a full time working mom but recently we decided that the cost of full time daycare, even though my daughter loved her daycare, was too much, especially since we will be having another baby next spring. However, my career is "better" than my husbands so he is the one who is staying home with our 14 month old daughter. Because we have a lot of land and he needs to be able to work around our property AND more importantly because our daughter loves going to "school", we continue to take her to a Kids Day Out program through one of the local churches. This keeps him sane and lets him get his work done and gives her the interaction with other children that she enjoys. I think it is unfair to the children to not have any interaction with other kids and then suddenly be thrust into pre-school or kindergarden. The program she attends is only 5 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and they take walks and paint and color and do so many things that we don't have the time or patience to do at home.

More importantly, it is completely up to you. Every person is different. My husband stays home with our daughter not just because he did not make as much money as me but because he is better equipped for it. I struggled a bit with feeling like a bad mom for that, but the truth is that I am a better mom because I work full time. I know myself and the types of interaction that I need to be sane. I know too many moms that stay at home and spend the entire day screeching at their kids because they are so frustrated. They have told them 100 times to do something and it is making them angry. When I get home from work I don't know that dad has told her 100 times not to do something, to me it is the first time and I have all the patience in the world to work with her. The biggest problem I have is that I don't want to leave for work in the mornings but coming home from work has never been sweeter. I think understanding your own personality is what you need to make this decision, most children are remarkably adaptable and will handle whatever situation you throw at them.

Here is this SAHM's opinion. I stayed home after the birth of my 2nd until she was about 2. As rewarding as it was to be able to be there all the time... I was there ALL the time. I love my kids w/ all my heart and I know the time I spent at home with them was as precious to me as it was to them... but... I began speaking babble to my husband, I lost my sense of self. It took me a while before I remembered who I was, aside from being a mother. I am again a SAHM and a big part of me loves it, but a part of me is beginning to feel lost again. When I went back to work, my oldest was 5 and starting K and the youngest was about 2. For as hard as it was to leave, I needed it. I went back part time and I truly believe it made me a better mom for it. I valued my time with them more than ever. I actually missed them... if you're home w/ them ALL the time, when do you have the chance to miss them? It may sound strange, but working outside the home did make me a better mom. And a better person. I had friends outside of other mothers, I got to go out every now and again... it was nice. I felt not only like a mom and a wife, but a woman. Oh, and by the way... my kids LOVED daycare and asked on my days off if they could go see their friends =]

Just my two cents! Good luck and remember... it's YOUR decision!

I stayed at home until my kids were school age, and I don't have any regrets whatsoever. I am now employed full time, but am lucky to work at a school, so we have breaks off together and I get off work an hour after they're out of school. While they were young, I did work part-time at their preschool. I still consider that being a stay at home mom because I only worked 2 days a week, and I worked while they were in preschool, not before or after. Having said that, at 4 months old, there's really not going to be a lot of benefit of going to daycare. However, after your child turns 1, maybe 2 or 3, that's when they really start socializing with other kids. Your idea of staying home for a year sounds like a good plan to me. The question you have to ask yourself is, what do YOU want to do? Can you afford to stay at home for your baby's first year? Will you hate going to work and leaving your baby with a sitter, or will you be relieved to have some "grown-up" time? Having stayed at home for several years, I understand that craving to be around people who don't know all of the words to every single Barney or Blue's Clues song...lol...but again, those first few years are so precious and will never come back. I hope I didn't make you even more confused...lol. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

In my opinion it's ideal if the Mom can stay with the child until at least age 1. I don't feel a baby needs a lot of interactions with other babies. After age 1, I think that interaction becomes more important. If you can stay home with your baby, do that. No one will love him like you and that's what they need when they are so little.

Wow you sound just like me, I have the same fears, I want to go back to work. My son is 2 months one week old and he has to have a few tests due to his resp rate being doubled what it should be. My biggest problem is not knowing anyone to do daycare. Im thinking about doing it for one or two children but IM not sure. I do miss adult conversations. My husband is on the road alot so its just me and baby.

Hi K.. Congdratulations on your son! My little Oliver is 9 weeks old and I just returned to work. Because I have a flexible schedule and so does my husband, he only goes to daycare once or twice a week. It was horrible leaving him the first day but I agree that it is good for him to be with other children. As much as I grumped and moped about going back to work, I am going to admit that it is REALLY nice to be around grown ups! Also, it is fun gabbing with coworkers with kids about milestones and such. Since you were seriously considering putting him in daycare for social reasons anyway, I think you could really benefit from taking the part time position and getting some grown up time! Good luck! --S.

Hi K. - I have been struggling with this myself! But I have a 1 and a 2 year old, so daycare costs have been the main reason why I have not returned to work. I think you have to search your heart, and really do what feels right for you and your family. If you feel you need to work some (or full time), then by ALL means go for it! If you feel you need to stay home for a year or two - then that's ok too. You can't feel guilty by what other moms are doing, whether it is staying at home or choosing to work. There is definitely pressure on both sides. And if you can't make a decision, then do a trial period of working, and see if you and your son are doing ok with it.

K.:

I , like some of the other moms, did daycare and now stay at home full-time. i agree that until about a year-and-a-half/two years old, babies are not going to socialize with anyone other than the daycare giver (who will have other children to attend to). the germ factor is high...all those other kids chewing on the same toys as your child. my son had ear infections every time he got a cold from daycare...which was about every 3 - 4 weeks or so. this means middle of the night crying, sometimes propping him slightly upright to sleep (yeah good luck with that) and meds. not that your child will get ear infections...mine was just prone to them. but it happened EVERY time. and it was telling that when i brought him into the doctor, i would be asked every time "Is he in daycare?" so i guess it's common.
another issue which has not been brought up is the napping arrangements. my son napped great until i put him in daycare. in daycare...hardly at all!!! i was blessed by a baby that had to see everything that was going on...he was very curious!!! the nature of the infant room was that all the cribs were together in one room (even tho he had his own crib labeled for him). so if any other babies were in there crying, or playing, or cooing, or whatever....he would not sleep. i'd pick him up at 5:15 and.....the report would say he slept maybe 30 min, 45 mins (ALL DAY!!) but never more than that. that is not enough sleep for an infant!!! now, i know that there are babies that will sleep anywhere anytime and thru anything. but i didn't have one of those!!! so if this is the baby you have too, just consider the sleeping arrangements.
When i decided to investigate staying home....i did a financial analysis to see exactly how much i would be short every month. imagine my surprise when it was only a $400 a month shortfall. so i was basically getting up early, stressing myself out to get it all done and at work, too and putting my kids in a less than ideal environment (healthwise only...the center was great with WONDERFULLY caring teachers) for 400 measly bucks a month. after that, it was a no-brainer. i quit my job. by that time, my sone was almost 1 yr old.
my little one that was in daycare is now 6!!! but even after quitting, it took me over 6 months to get my son on a napping schedule. he was so overtired all the time!! but eventually, he got into the groove. also...the ear infections stopped completely, and the incidents of cold went way way down. he became healthier, and happier. the socialization then came from church, my friends with kids, and playgroup. then he went to preschool at 2. he has never suffered from lack of socialization.
the upshot is that i cannot tell you what to do in your situation, but just relay my experiences so you can think about all the factors about daycare.

BTW: my older son, then 2 1/2, was in daycare at the same time, and he did WONDERFULLY. he loved it...it was like school for him. so, my experience: good for older toddler, bad for baby.

good luck with your decision!!

K.

I stayed home with my little girl until she was in Pre-K. She inter acts with other children just great. I feel our children can inter act with others in parks, play areas. I guess you can say I am not hip on daycare. Not even today, but today I dont get that choice. So I say enjoy your child full time while you can.

My advice is to stay home with your children as long as possible. They are not going to remember what a great job mommy had, but they will remember that mommy was able to spend time with them.
I have quit my job to be with my children, but financially I needed to do something for money. I am now an Area Manager with Arbonne and I only put in about 10 hours a week. We do not do parties so most of the 10 hours are from home. I met my teacher pay in 10 months of doing this.
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E. Bowen

I have stayed home with my daughter since the day she was born. She didn't really play with other kids until she was 1.5 years old. I think they are so young before that age that who they really need is mom. Once she was 1.5 I switched 3 hours a week with my sister in law. My sister in law's son is 6 months younger than my daughter. Anyhow, it ended up her having a playdate twice a week (once at our house and once at my sister in laws) at 3 hour intervals and it worked great. By 3 hours she was getting tired and wanted her mommy. I couldn't take her to daycare. I feel that when they are young they need so much attention and daycare can't provide that. Now that she is about to turn 2 we have started going to the gym and she goes to the gym daycare for about 1 hour a day. It was rough at first because it was her first experience with a strange place and a strange person, but at this age I feel they do need interaction with other children in order to thrive. If I was you, I would stick with your first plan and stay home with your precious bundle of joy and give him all of the attention he needs. You can always go back to work later when he won't "need" you as much and he starts to spread his wings.

There are a lot of good and thoughtful posts here. I agree with everyone that said in the end this is really your decision to make.

Even though I make my living as a daycare provider, I do believe that most moms and most babies should be together at home if possible. I have to say though. This isn't always the case. I've seen kids that simply need and crave the interaction with other kids. I've seen moms so bored that they aren't doing their children any favors. I've also seen moms that are frustrated and irritated over every little thing the kids do.

About the babies though.. In many cases I agree a baby won't get a lot out of daycare. But from about 6 months on, this may not be the case. I've had babies that were just weeks apart that really enjoy each others company. I try and make space in my home where they can play together without the interference of older kids. These babies absolutely get used to seeing each other each day and they are sad if one of them leaves. Earlier this year I had a dad lose his job. When they left my other baby was 6 months old at the time. They were 6 weeks apart in age. This baby was really sad, didn't nap, and cried a lot when she was first gone.

What's really frustrating for daycare providers is this.. Say mom decides around age 12months and 2 years that they want to go back to work. All the sudden this child is thrust in a situation where they must learn to share toys and be in a group. These kids can have a very difficult time adjusting. If your really going to go to play groups on a regular basis then fine. But if your probably not going to do that, then it's best to go with your first thought of having your child in daycare part-time. That is, if you plan on going back to work later.

Suzi

I understand your dilema. I am new to the KC area and when my husband and I found out we were expecting we knew from the start I was going to stay home. We don't know many people up here and don't want to have someone else raise our daughter while we work to pay daycare fees. But we also knew we couldn't afford for me not to work. The solution we found is for me to do daycare in the home. I just take in a few kids and it helps with expenses and allows me to stay home. The other advantage is that she gets the interaction with other kids and will learn at a young age to get along with others and share. If you have the patience and space, this is definitely an option you could consider. It is very easy to get licensed with the state. Licensing has also help me learn things about nutrition and child safety that I would not necessarily have learned if not for the licensing requirements. Good luck to you in your decision, whatever it may be.

If the money isn't going to be worth it especially after paying for gas and daycare then I wouldn't do it. There are lots of things that u can do with your son to give him social skills. have you thought of a mommy and me group or play dates with other sahms. I do work part time but I have the benefit of my mother in law watching my children 2 days a week so daycare isn't an expense for us.
I wish you all the luck in the world no matter what u decide.

I cant really give to much advice on this because I have been a stay at home mom.
My personal preference is to never have to put my kids in daycares.
I know there is a lot of daycares out there that are good but there is so many that are bad, Abusive employees, neglect etc.
I love being home with my kids but earning a income is also important .
I almost went to work outside the home due to financial reasons but I am thankful that I didnt.
I do work now but at home, I work with my son in my lap and my daughter screaming...lol...
Good thing is, all I talk to is other stay at home moms so they understand that my kids are loud.
In my opinion, if you are having doubts then just stay home with him.
I hope I helped some!
C.

I do understand your feelings about returning to work. My little one is 2 months old and I return to work on Monday. :~(
You should consider your future - do you want to become a stay at home mom or do you want a career? Sadly, moms must choose, unless they can work from home. It is difficult to re-enter the workforce after staying at home. It sounds like you have an excellent opportunity to try part-time work. Why not try it and see how it works for you and your little guy? If the daycare provides love, attention and security with the same people (you do not want a high employee turn over) I say give it a go if you want a career after your son begins school. Best Wishes! We all know it is a difficult decision!

I think that it is a personal decision. I decided to stay home and I love it but I know some people that said that they just knew that they couldn't. I didn't want someone else enjoying all of my son's firsts. (walking, talking, etc...) I am lucky enough to be in a position where I don't have to work but many women do not have that choice. It is really a family choice on what is better for you and your family.

My advice is to stay home if you can. At age 2 1/2-3, some part-time day care for the social development can be good, but not at 4 months of age. This is the time he's forming his identity as an individual and as your son. I was blessed that when I had absolutely no choice but to work when my now 3 year old was a young child to find a loving home where she was just treated as a member of the family. This is the only way I didn't just declare bankruptcy and stay home with her. But as good as her care is, for an infant, which you son still is, there's nothing a day care will do better than you. At his age, he's not even developmentally truly interacting with other children. That comes a lot later. So you'll be making little money, and he'll be gaining nothing from it. I'd stay home with a baby that young in a second...good luck with your decision...

G.

If you are looking for socialization, check out Parents-As-Teachers. They are a free organization that has playgroups for your child. It gives him a chance to get to know others who he will likely go to school with in the future and gives you a chance to talk with other moms. I began with this group when my now 6 year old was only 3 months. I am still good friends with the moms I met then and their children are friends with my daughter. Here is a link:
http://www.parentsasteachers.org/site/pp.asp?c=ekIRLcMZJx...

I think everybody's circumstances are different. Even though I went back to work 6 weeks after my son was born that doesn't mean that it's for everyone. I believe there are benefits to both worlds so you will personally have to weigh the pros and the cons of each scenario. I would have went absolutely nuts staying at home all day long. Getting out of the house and socializing with people my own age was very important to me. Not only that but it introduced a social world to my child at an early age as well. I think working right away was the best thing for me because now I have a very intelligent and outgoing child. Don't worry about what others tell you you should do.......do what you feel is right.

In My oppinion your son is still very young, if you are staying at home my advice is to keep him home with you. There are so many illnesses passed around at daycares especially in winter and when they are that little it is better that they are still adapting to their home environment. Now when they hit 2 I think they can start talking and telling you a little about the daycare and friends they are meeting. I say if you can afford to stay home-DO IT-bacause before you know it he will be off to school and you'll be Crying!! Anyway you know what is best for your baby I just wanted to give you my advice! I am a stay at home mom of FIVE so....been there done that! 2 are in school now, but my 4 year old my 2 year old and my 1 year old are at home with me and they will all be 6 when they go to kindergarten because of their bdays!! I go work out 3 days a week in the morning with 4 other moms so all of our children get to play in the Kidnazium and that seems to be plenty of time out of the house and with other children!! !
ANYWAY... I hope my advice helps a little!!

---T. :o)

Hi K.,

I have a few things that I thought might help you out. I am a full time SAHM, I have 5 kids ranging in ages from 5-18. For the first 3 kids I worked full time with no thoughts of ever getting to stay at home, financially that was not an option!

When we found out we were pregnant the last time we made a decision for me to stay at home, no matter what! Well that seemed liked a great idea until the bills started pileing up and it seemed there was no way I could stay at home any longer. I was really dedicated to my teenagers and my new born and really didnt want to make that sacrifice yet again.

I have taken up babysitting in my home and I am in great demand! I sat down and figured up what I could afford to pay if I was working and what I thought was a fair amount. Since then I work every day from my home, I get to be there for all my kids as well as bring in a good income to help out with the bills. It may not be something you are interested in, but it sure gave me the best of both worlds, and I wouldnt change it for the world!

I hope everything works out for you and you enjoy that baby to the fullest! Each of them are so special and getting to spend as much time as possible is a gift.
T

Hi K.,

I live in Catoosa also. We just moved here from Arizona. I'm a mom of 6. 4 of them are over the age of 18, so we have 2 teenagers still at home. I started working from home about 3 years ago after our youngest daughter was injured in a school bus accident and the driver just dumped her off at the end of our driveway and left. She had a concussion and needed stitches. I was 45 minutes from home and we lived in the country. I arrived home to a driveway full of medical personnel. I told myself then that I would never be away from my children when they needed me like this again. If you can, stay home with him. I know it's tough financially to do it, but there are other ways to help you succeed in your dream to stay home.
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I just joined this group today and your's was the first that I have read. Maybe I can help you! Please let me know!

K.,

I am the mother of two girls. My oldest is 16 now and I did not work away from her until she was 7. I did odd jobs and things such as babysitting and house cleaning that I could do with her in tow. I think it was the best experience ever. Now, my second daughter is only 2. I was able to stay home with her for the first year, even though I was given grief on a regular basis by my husband. After 1 year, I went back to work and have been working full time ever since. I am now seperated from my husband and really don't have any other option but to work full time. I really hate that I am missing out on so much of her growing up. I resent the fact that I can't be with her more at least until she starts school full time. I also feel that it is such a waste to be spending so much of my hard earned money for someone else to watch her when I am the one who should be doing it in the first place.

So anyway, I would tell you that if you have a choice, spend as much time with your son as possible. He is only young once and you can always work later but cannot later experience the joys of your child. There's a poem that I love, I do not know who wrote it but it says "Quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep for I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep." I don't think there's a better way to say it than that.

The issue of having your son develop social skills can be accomplished by you without having to send him to daycare. You can participate in mommy and me activities with him and such that will help him develop social skills. For my oldest, she had plenty of interaction with other children from my babysitting, her cousins, and swimming or tumbling classes, etc.

Good luck and I hope that whatever you decide to do it is the right thing for you.

It's a tough decision.

I'm a stay home mom to 2 boys - my oldest is just over 3 1/2 now and I've been home since he was born. Our youngest turned one last month.

I love it. At this point, I don't think you could pay me enough to go back... giving up all that time with my boys would just break my heart. When I was pregnant with the youngest I worked part time at my son's Mother's Day Out program, which was ideal, really. I went with him (but didn't teach his class) and was right there, but I had a little job, a little break from him. I had him in MDO (starting at about 18 months of age) for about 2 months before the teacher in the other class left and then I ended up taking that job and working it until our youngest was born.

Back then, I wanted our oldest in MDO because, like you, I wanted to expose him to other kids and let him learn and develop social skills. Now, though, I feel totally different about it. Instead of putting my boys in daycare or a MDO program, I plan playdates for them. They also get lots of "social interaction" when we take them to church and they're in the nursery or their Sunday School classes (just about every week Sundays and Wednesdays). So at this point, I use those opportunities for the social interaction and treasure my time with them during the days. We do craft projects, cook together, play together, read books... And I'd just hate to give up those fun activies (or limit them to just a couple days a week or evenings when daddy's home and wanting to spend time with the boys too).

Especially when my boys were tiny, though, I really felt it was important to be home with them. At 4 months... at anything less than about 2 years, really, kids don't need a whole huge amount of social interaction - and putting them in daycare really just exposes them to lots of germs and leaves most moms with sicker babies than if they'd stayed home with them. :)

Good luck with your decision. Being a stay home mom is tough sometimes... probably the toughest job I've ever had. It's not easy to decide to go back to work. Nor is it easy to decide not to work anymore and be home with your kids. Whatever decision you make will be the best for your family (all of you!), and that's what's most important!

Hi K.,

When my son was born last yr I didn't have the option of staying at home. I got a 6 wk leave from work, which I got 60 percent of my pay(which equaled to nothing)! It was very hard for me to leave him in daycare. I called them it seemed like 3 or 4 times a day. I was paying $400 a month which was very hard plus the expense of extra diapers, and formula. That daycare was always calling me telling me I needed to take him to the doctor for every sniffle or cough. I ended up leaving that daycare and found one that was 8 min away from my job. I loved his new sitter. She was cheaper,cleaner, and we got along very well.

I got layed off from my job of 7 yrs in July. My fiance and I made the decision that it would be cheaper and better for my son if I stayed home. Girl let me tell you, it has been the best decision. My son has bloosmed so much in the past two months. He is talking more, he feels more secure, granted he still crys when I leave him for awhile. I have been able to work with more on breaking him from the bottle, putting him to bed without rocking him. We have bonded even more now. I love being at home!

If you guys can afford to make sacerfices for a while for you to stay at home, it will be so rewarding for you and your son.

Ps, I do get bored somtimes, but I try to find new stuff for us to do.

M. G
Tulsa, Ok

Good afternoon K.-
I may be a day late and a dollar short but here is what I think....I am a mom of 2 girls: 8 & 3yrs old. I have worked full time through both of them. With my first daughter I returned to work 5 days after she was born....she went with me for 2 weeks then to my girl friend's house (she babysat). With my youngest I had 2weeks off then back to work I went! I would have loved to spend more time with each of them however I have seen how they adapt and interact versus kids we know personally who have stayed at home full time with mom. I do not feel guilty as I am there at the drop of a dime for either of them when anything comes up...I am on the PTO, I attend class events, my kids are involved in activities and I do all of that too! In my opinion regardless of your decsion to work or not is the least of the big picture: in either decsion it is the effort toward your child's growth that truely makes you or breaks you. I went back to work in the time frame I did due to financial reasons - - if it weren't for that I would have still returned to work after the customary leave. Good luck!!!

I am all for staying home full time. Your son is so young that there is no need to put him in daycare for social skills. Just make sure that he is interacting with people regulary, not just you and your husband. Try to spend some time with other mothers with young children. You will miss so much if you work and send him to daycare. Plus, no one else will ever take care of your son like you will. He will never be this small again, and every moment should be treasured. I got to be at home with my son until he was two and I wouldn't trade that time for the world. I have to work full time now, and it still breaks my heart to drop him off at daycare. These next few years are the only ones you'll be able to be with him all day. Once he starts school that will no longer be an option. I hope this helped. I obviously feel strongly on the subject, but different people want different things out of parenthood, so I will pray for clarity for you in the situation.

Why not go back to work part time for a set period like 3-6 months to give it a try ans see how it goes?!

You can find a good daycare or sitter for your child and re evaluate if that works for you in 3-6 months. If not, no harm done and you can stay at home, if it works out you will be happy.

No loss either way. Social interaction at daycare is great but if you are set on being a stay at home mom you can join a moms group and have play dates. It's really what you think is best for you, your hubby and child. Some women truly find they need to work at least a little each week just to have their own place in the world and have some adult time.

Just my two cents . . .My hubby works full time and I work part time and spend the rest of the week with my son. When we work, a nanny comes to our home to care for our son. I have tried it all, I was a stay at home mom, I worked full time and we sent our son to daycare and now I work part time. Part time works best for us personally and it's just enough adult time and career time for me, and gives our son interaction with others. I am also in a moms group and do play dates. I think it is a great compromise until he is school age and keeps us all sane at the same time.

Good Luck.

i compleetly understand!! i am a stay at home mom and i found when my first child was younger that a in home dare situation made me feel less guilty. she was at some ones home not in some building and being cared for by a mom and that helped

OMG!! I'm sure every mother can relate to this one!!! :) I will tell you a bit about what I went through.
First of all, we adopted our daughter at birth and only had enough vacation time to go out to Colorado and get her, wait for all the legal stuff to go through and come back home. I was home for less than half a week with her before I had to go back to work. At the time, I was working as a store manager for Victoria's Secret and had decided to take part-time family leave which had me working 4 days out of the week. When I had to take her to the sitter, it really wasn't that bad, but I think it was mostly because we never really had time to bond! I wish there were a better plan for adoptive parents out there.... but anyways, I went back to work in September and then they had plans to tear down the mall so my store closed before Christmas and I went on unemployment. My daughter was almost 3 months at the time. I was on unemployment until February when I found a new job, and we definitely bonded over those 2 months!!! When I had to go back I was excited and devastated at the same time. Luckily, I had found a wonderful sitter that took excellent care of her but I will admit for the first 3 weeks, I cried every day on my way to work!!! lol The first day was definitely the hardest, but it did get easier from there on. It wasn't even so much worrying about whether she was getting good care or not, it was that someone else was spending time with my daughter and I wasn't there!!! But as it got easier, I noticed that she was learning a lot of things from where she was at that she might not have gotten with just me being at home with her-such as the interaction with other kids and other adults. Even though she is just a year old now, I am confident she will do well in school as far as social interaction goes and she is just so smart, she's learned a lot of things from the sitter that I might not have thought to teach her - recently the sitter was trying to teach her to point at her nose and she couldn't quite understand it, but the sitter got her to understand it by rubbing noses with her! lol Now when you say "where's your nose?" she leans in to rub noses with you!!! lol It's sooo cute!!!
Anyways, I guess what I'm saying is, if this is something you want to do, part-time seems easiest to begin with. And it IS hard at first, but it DOES get easier to leave your child with a sitter! If you want to talk more, you can email me at ____@____.com
D.

This is a very difficult decision. You do have options though. There are lots of ways to let your son interact with other children once he's older. Right now his biggest need is for a stable loving home with parents who love him. It sounds like he has that. If working for an income is needed for the household to function, maybe you should look into working from home. I have a homebased business and am loving it. I have 2 boys ages 9 and 17. We have homeschooled for 11 years and my younger son has lots of health issues, he has cerebral palsy, so I need to be home and I need to earn an income. This has worked for us. Maybe if your heart is to stay home with your son you should investigate your options a little closer before deciding.
D.

HI K.,
Our son is 8 months old and he started daycare at 4 1/2 months. we quickly too him out (after just 2 half days) b/c the daycare was bad. Then we found a really good one and he's been there since he was 5 months--great decision--lots of different developmental toys, social interaction with other babies and other adults. They do really fun things that I don't have time to do b/c I work full time. They fingerpaint almost everyday and do other artsy things. They go on walks etc. I truly believe he's benefiting from being at school.It's a good decision if you find a really good daycare. I stop in to see him during the day sometimes, and I pick him up early or drop him off late just to spend more time with him when I miss him too much to even concentrate on work :) And, when I stop in, he's always being read to, playing with his teachers or playing on his own to develop independence. He's ALWAYS happy at school. This is just my opinion. A good daycare makes a big difference in the guilt you will feel for having someone else take care of your son.
Good Luck,
L.

This is such a hard time for new mothers! I now have two sons, ages 4 and 2, and I opted to leave a very good paying job to be a SAHM four years ago. The transition is hard, you give up a paycheck and you miss the interaction with other adults. That said, I have never regretted my decision. Staying home isn't for everyone, and not possible for many others financially. But it was the right decision for our family.

If you are having strong feelings to stay home, and will not be making much by going back, I personally would not go back. Perhaps you could offer to telecommute, or do some consulting for your former company? That's great that they value your performance enough to offer you a part-time position.

I don't really see your argument for putting a four month old in daycare just for the social aspects of it. There are many other playgroups, mom's groups and other activities where you both can get out and interact with other moms and kids. Socialization with other kids just isn't as important at this age anyway. If you put two four month olds in the same room they really don't play together.

I'm a writer and I've started working part-time from home this past year for about 10 hours a week. This has been a nice balance for me to get my feet wet in the working world again, as I might return to work once my kids get in school.

I don't know what field you are in, but maybe you could at least stay involved with a professional association or group in your area of business. That's what I did and attending a once a month meeting with adults had been a nice break from the kids and a good way to drum up freelance work.

Good luck to you in your decision!

If you can stay home with him, I highly recommend it. There is plenty of time when he is one or two to socialize with other kids. He will get sick less and it is really hard to leave them.

I'll just share something, since it seems that everyone out there has some great advise for you. I was at a "moms lunch" once and there was a woman that said....."I've never heard of anyone in our situation that said they wished they would have worked more when their children were young". This has always stuck with me. Best of luck you:)

I have mixed feelings as well K.. But, I do believe that kids are better prepared for school and life in general if they interact with other children. You also need time away to be yourself. Working part time is perfect. I unfortunately work full time as well as teach on the side. If I would have had the opportunity to work part time I would have jumped on it. Plus, I can tell you that if you stay in the employment field - it helps on your resume when you are ready to go back full time. So, my advise is go for it.

K.,

Let me start with a little background on me... I've done it all - worked full-time with my daughter and son in full-time daycare as infants, worked full-time with my daughter in full-time preschool, and worked part-time with my daughter and son in part-time preschool. If I had to do it all over again and had the luxury of choosing the perfect situation, to me it would be staying home full-time with them as infants, then working part-time as they get into preschool part-time (around age 2).

Reasons: 1) I don't think there's much benefit from social interaction with other children for an infant; 2) as an infant, they are so susceptible to every bug that goes around daycare - which is especially bad in the winter; and 3) I feel like I missed out on bonding opportunities while away from my infants.

That being said, it is great to have an outside focus like work to help keep your brain sharp and to make you feel "important" (although motherhood is the most important job you can have, sometimes outside affirmation from the real world is nice, too). But be aware that working part-time can be harder than working full-time, as the struggle to balance the two part-time jobs (being a career woman and a stay-at-home mom) can be very exhausting.

I don't know what kind of job you came from, but if you decide to stay home I might suggest that you offer to do some projects for your office every now and then, to keep you in the loop and make you feel challenged. Then, if you decide you're ready for the part-time thing in a few years, it might make an easier transition...?

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!
K.

Don't think that being home with you couldn't be as good as being in daycare, it's not true. He's too young to need formal socialization yet (little ones don't really even interact much until well after a year), and no daycare worker would LOVE him the way you do. With that said, there's nothing wrong with daycare, but at his age, if you choose daycare, it should be because you want to work or because you have to financially, not because you think he'll miss out if he stays home with you. You can find many avenues for him to get socialization when he's ready for it. And he'll probably be a lot healthier this year if he stays home! Good luck, it's a tough decision, and whatever you choose is the right decision (and remember- your decision can be changed at anytime!)
-Ali

SAHM is a very demanding, yet rewarding experience for both mother and child. If you plan on sending your child to day care part time anyway I would JUMP at the opportunity to try your job part time!!!! This will let you get a feel for SAHM, and still have your foot in the door. If you feel it is not working out and decide to return to full time it will be a much easier transition for both you and your baby. If you can't get enough of your child and want to be full time SAHM, you will have NO REGRETS!!!!

I will spare you a drawn out story of me, but I worked full time after the birth of my first child and resigned a 6 yr career in law enforcement to stay at home with both my kids right before the birth of my second child (first child was 3yoa). I LOVE being a SAHM and wouldn't give it up, but it was a very hard transition!!! (working w/ 1 child to being home full time w/ 2!!!!)

HUGE ADJUSTMENT!! If you have the opportunity to test the waters on both end go for it.....it only leaves you more options!!!

Good Luck and God Bless

I don't envy you in your position.

If you can financially afford to SAH, I say do it while you can. I think previous people have offered some great advice. Social interaction is not a neccessity at this point in time or in the next several months. Your 4 month old son prefers to have you for his interaction. These first several months are such precious time to have with our little ones and it flies by so quickly. It is wonderful that your current employer values you enough to offer a part time position.

I am a first time Mom to a 6 month old girl. It is very hard for me to take her to daycare every morning. I really do like her daycare. We cannot financially afford for me to stay at home. I would love nothing more than to be able to be at home with her.

I wish the U.S. would adopt Canada's maternity leave policy, Canadian women get one full year of maternity leave.

Anyway, good luck with your decision. I'm sure you will do what's best for you and your family.

Hi Kim.

I contimplated the same thing when i was pregnant with my now 7 month old. My job wasnt my dream job, actually i pretty much hated it. and i didnt make much money and there was no room to move up so i decided that it would be best to stay home. I couldnt see bring my child to daycare at te crucial months when i was miserable at work making very little money. I love being a stay at home mom. There are a few draw back that you may run into though. Its very important to try to keep your indentity. I have seemed to lose mine since my husband has wonky schedules and only has fridays off. Friday is the only day i have so i go to the barn and ride my horse. Also. Dont think you have to do everything around the house all the time. You dont have to be super mom. You will stress yourself out. also, im not sure if you have family nearby, but use them if you got em. My whole family is in NY and i feel very alone a lot because i dont have that supportline. you need YOU time. Other than those things, i love staying at home. Its very gratifying! But its not for everyone. Hope i helped!

Speaking as a former preschool and elementary teacher (now stay home with my 3 kids), your 4 month old is going to benefit most right now from being with you, not with other babies. He needs you more than socialization right now. If
you don't have to financially, don't spend his baby days working away from him! It goes by so fast anyway.
Last year the school where I worked asked me to come back part time for another teacher while she was on maternity leave. I did it, and while I loved being back to work, I will never forget what one of the older teachers, whose kids are in high school and never home, said: "Sometimes I just wish we were sitting on the floor watching Sesame Street!"

With a situation like that I would go back to work. I had to put my son (now 10) in daycare at SIX WEEKS to go back to work full-time. My daughter (now 7) went at 4 months. Both of my kids are outgoing and socially adept. The majority of their classmates who were kept at home full time (no daycare at all) until kindergarten had a much more difficult time adjusting, making friends, and venturing out... and several of them cried every day for weeks when school started. A couple of them still haven't "caught up" with the others, although maybe it's not due to this issue. I hated going back to work full-time but if I could go part-time... perfect!!! You still get to do PLENTY of raising, believe me!!! And if it's a good daycare, the kids get plenty of love and attention there... and even probably more stimulation and learning experiences than you could provide at home. I know there are lots of people out there who feel differently than I do... I'm just speaking from my own experience.

Now... if you have the choice and it sounds like you do, and if I were you... I would wait until the baby is maybe 1 before going back to work. That would have been my choice if I had had one. My kids did fine at daycare... we are extremely close, they are well-adjusted and both of them get straight A's... does that have anything to do with daycare? Who knows? Just follow your heart...

K.,
I struggled with the same decision when I had my 1st. I stayed home and on the postitive side my childern are nurtured and learning more at home than at daycare. However they are both very shy around other children. My oldest is now in preschool and is starting to come out of her shell, but I can see how it has hurt her socially to be home all day with only family around her. I would suggest that if you decide to stay home that you get out with others so that your child with develop those social skills that will make the rest of their lives so much more easier.
Good Luck
B.

K., I've been on both sides of this situation. I have a 3yr old and a 1yr old. I never really intendend to stay home with them full time, not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't want to compromise the income that my Nursing career offered- Plus, I love being an oncology nurse. Children are an addition to our lives, they shouldn't be a subtraction- sure there will be sacrifices that are made to put them first, but I think too many parents have children and completely forget about who they are individually, professionally, and as a couple. When my youngest was 3months, I was home on maternity leave, and a friend shared with me about a homebased business that has the income potential to replace and surpass my RN pay, plus I could work from home without selling or having parties- at the time I thought, it would be nice to have extra income, but I still planned to work full time as well (M-F 9-5). I'm so glad I listened to what my friend shared because now, only 8 months later I've accepted a less paying position that allows me to stay home all the time and not have to sacrifice my sense of purpose or income. And all of this before my oldest turned 3, children don't usually remember their childhood's before 3, and how awesome it is that I'm now home with both of them and they won't remember a time when I wasn't here. Usually the hardest part about daycare or allowing someone else to help raise your children is mother's feelings and perceptions- the kids don't really know that much of a difference- so, I guess what I'm getting at is, are you feeling like you're loosing who you are by not working outside the home? If you do, then you may need this part-time position to help you be fulfilled as well. You're not a bad mother for taking care of yourself- keeping your marriage healthy and you healthy (mentally and physically) will best enable you to be the best mom you can be-and that you do owe to your sweet little man. Is this job opportunity something you love to do that gives you fulfillment professionally? It needs to be something you enjoy to make it worth the sacrifices of time away from your little man and especially if it's not a significant income producer. If it's just a means to make extra income, there are other options where you can have your cake and eat it too:) I'd love to chat with you more and share with you about how our homebased business has changed our lives and given us choices- to work or not to work? It really can be up to you! Hope this helps! Talk to you soon!
C.
www.jonandcrys.com (if you want more info on my business)

I support staying at home verses putting your child in child care if you can afford it. There are NO benefits putting your child in daycare. Trust me I know this I use to be a Daycare teacher for over 3 years and a nanny for almost 5 yrs. If you need someone to watch your child and can't afford to stay at home with the baby, then either hire a nanny (no not all nannies are expensive)or put them in a HOME daycare system. Corporate daycares are all about the almighty dollar and not what is best for your child. You can just as easily give your child developmental skills by working with them, there are lots of great books out there like Brain Games for Infants (Toddlers, Preschoolers)to help you with ideas to boost developemental skills. You can give your child social skills by taking them to playgroups, joining a Mom's Club in your area (were you meet once a month and have activities that you can joined that are scheduled through out the month, like storytime, zoo trips and so forth), going to Kindermusik together (this is for NB to 7 yr olds) or looking at your local library for free activities for little ones. Plus if you put your child in a daycare system you are more at risk of illnesses. Yes babies need to build up their immunity systems but they don't need to spend their first few years constantly sick to build them up. You being at home with your child on a daily basis is 100% more beneficial to your child then placing them in a daycare. Hope this info is helpful.

I completely understand. I was very lucky in my situation. I have been able to work for my dad at his business off and on for the last 2 years, since my daughter was born. My mom would care for her while I was working, and I'd be able to work some weekends when my husband could be with her. I will tell you from my own experience, it doesn't get any easier as far as the separation goes the longer you wait. It wouldn't hurt to try it out for even a month as long as you are still bringing home any amount of money after you pay for daycare. He will be getting the interaction that he will need before he starts school. If you aren't hurting for the extra money, though, and the possibility of the part time job being open for you a few months down the road, then by all means, don't rush back to work if you aren't ready to. Find other stay at home moms with kids aound the same age and arrange play dates a few times a week. But it isn't a bad idea to get him used to you not being around 24/7 for a little bit at a time. My 2 year old has not been away from me for more than a few hours at a time since she was born. If you combined the total amount of time we have been apart, it would be less that a week's worth of time over the last 2 years. It worries me how she will react when I do have to put her into daycare. I guess I have somewhat contradicted myself here, but basically you know yourself and your son better than anyone and know what you are ready for. Either route is not a bad one for you to take, but it doesn't hurt to give both options a try and see what works best for you and your son. Good luck to you!

Hi, K. ~

I had a similar situation years ago when my oldest was born. I too had decided not to go back to work, but did return when my boss (with whom I loved working) offered me a part-time position. I found it to be the best of both worlds! I was able to keep working at a job I really enjoyed, but was able to spend a lot of time with my baby. I worked half-days, so we (baby and I) were able to establish a routine really easily. I think that would be easier than working 2 or 3 full days, but I could be wrong about that.

I ended up staying in the part-time situation until my son was 14 months old. At that point my boss got transferred, and the new boss wanted me there full time. I chose to quit, stayed home, and took care of my child along with two others in order to help pay the bills. (As a PS -- my boss who allowed me to work part-time still calls me every year on my birthday, even though we haven't worked together for 20 years! So you can see, the situation obviously worked well for us.)

I found that the hardest part of my situation was finding someone that I could trust for daycare. Once you solve that problem, I think you'll be okay. I really enjoyed working part-time because it gave me the opportunity to have grown-up time, in addition to the wonderful time with my baby. I really appreciated the time I spent with him, and made the most of it. I'm sure you will too.

Best of luck with your decision,
S.

I read just a bit of another response to be sure I wasn't too repetitive, but I just want to add that though children won't remember too much of their first three years, neither will you if you're not there. If you could wait just a bit to go back. I sometimes go crazy at home all the time and die for Adult Conversation. But it's worth it to remember my baby's first words, first steps, and just remembering my baby girl singing "I love you" in a song she made up for me.

They grow up so fast and work and money will always be around.

I hope you're able to enjoy your little one. But no matter what your decision try not to feel guilty. When my second child was young and I worked "part-time" when he was with me I worried about work, when I was at work I worried about him. TOO MUCH STRESS!!!!

Just enjoy that baby!!

My feelings are that you never have this time to do over again. No amount of money that you could possibly earn is more important than raising your children. He will have plenty of interaction with children as he gets a little older. He can play with friends and even go to preschool when he is three. It's a hard world out there and he needs all the love and guidance from you as long as he can. That's my feelings on the subject! =)

I can truly understand how you're feeling. I have a 20 month old that I struggled with going back to work. I'm now pregnant with our second child and feel that same internal struggle.

I told myself that I would go back to work and give it a try. I've stayed working full time. While there have been difficult times, I think that overall, it's been a good decision for me. I would love to be offered a part-time job where I could have a little more time with my daughter, but that's not an option right now.

I can also tell you that my daughter is a very well adjusted child. She adores going to the sitter's and adores seeing me in the afternoons. She's a very laid back child that sleeps through the night, has been in a toddler bed since she was 13 1/2 months (we just moved her to a twin about 3 weeks ago), plays well with other kids, shares, and is overall a very happy child. You have to take a positive attitude with whatever decision you make and that will reflect in your child.

If you've always enjoyed working, then my advise would be to tell yourself to give it a shot for six months. If it's not working for you after that time, you can always make a change.

K.--Go with your gut! That's the right answer.
--Jen

K.,
I have a 20 month old little boy and went back to work when he was a month old. I like my job, but even more then that I love the adult interaction and the routine it gives both of us. My son love his babysitter and is both happy to go and happy when i pick him up. Though child care is expensive, if you are coming out better off then maybe give it a shot. If nothing else use this money you are making for your childrens savings. My son has never went through any anxiety of being apart, he loves the other children, and overall it's wonderful for him socially. Working is not all bad, but now with a little guy at home, no matter how bad the day is.....it becomes awesome when you see their little faces when you pick them up. If this job is part time, my opinion is that it wouldn't hurt to try it out.....if you don't like it, there is nothing that says you have to keep doing it. Good luck!
S.

That is really up to the parents. My husband informed me 3 days after our youngest was born that i was is no way shape or form going back to work. I hated my job and wasn't getting enough hours to put her in daycare. I was getting maybe 15 hours a week at $6.00 an hour. We were putting $40.00 in gas a week when I was working. E-mail me if you need anymore advice ____@____.com

I have worked part-time from the time my oldest child was a year old. I was full-time before that. My children are now 12,7 and 4. It has been an ideal situation for me. The downfall was that I paid for full-time daycare slots. But, I used home daycare which was much less in my area than a daycare center. I worked 3 days a week until I had school age children, and then I swithced to 4 shorter days so I could meet the bus. My employer offered me this as they did not want me to leave. I've had 3 different part-time employers now and they were very flexible with my situation. To me it was the "best of both worlds" so to speak. I got out, I had more time with my children than if I worked full-time, I contributed to our income and I felt more fulfilled. It is however a very personal choice. If you have any other questions or need an ear, please feel free to contact me directly. I've been there. S.

I had the same situation offered to me on part time with my job when I had to go back to work and it didn't work out! My boss always expected more. Now I work from home selling Avon. It is really up to you! Good Luck!

Hi. I am a part-time working Mom of a 5 month old girl. I work for financial reasons and my husband watches the baby much of the time, or else we have a sitter. My question would be, on what are you basing the need for socialization under 1 year of age? Just a thought. I wish you the best as you make your decision. It is not an easy one to make and I do not think there is one answer for everyone's sitation.

Sincerely,
B.

It doesn't hurt to try for a while and see how you feel. Take your son to daycare for a few weeks and see how he does. If you find a great daycare with caretakers that invest and love the kids, and other kids for your son to play with, you may feel it's the best thing for him. I was worried when I went back to work, but my 10 month old daughter LOVES her daycare. She jumps out of my arms to hug her teacher and she plays so hard during the day- she seldom takes naps. It has been a great social interaction for her. But, if you don't find a daycare you feel that way about, then it is great to have the option to stay home until you do.