8 Year Old Son Is Telling Lies and Being Sneaky

I woudld just double check everything he says until you can trust him again. Let him know you don't trust him, and you won't trust him until he earns it back.

Also, I don't think 8 yrs old is too young to be left alone for a short period of time. I do the same thing with my son.

Explain to him that you know he lied about the screen time and ipod. Then take away ALL screen time and his ipod and tell him he will get them back when he proves himself trustworthy. I know these punishments can also be punishments for YOU too as we get alot done when our kids are with electronics, but stand firm. If it takes months, so be it. He'll learn.

Clearly tell him the consequences of what will happen/or be taken away if he doesn't follow the rules, and make sure you follow through with it. When my oldest son started doing this, I made sure to take away something that was important to him, that way the punishment meant more. Also, 8 years old seems a little young to stay home alone, maybe he puts on the T.V. because he is feeling a little scared, this is just my opinion.

Take that iPod away - And for weeks...Not days. My 8 yr old has also been sneaking things (mostly Bakugan) to school despite warnings and random searches. His friends break this rule and so he just cannot help himself. We took the DS away for 2 weeks and he was quite devastated. We also wrote an e-mail to his teacher and principal telling them all about the lying and sneaking and made him read it aloud after it had been sent. He is just getting to an age where other people's good opinion matters to him a little more than his parents.

Lying was the #1 offense in our house when I was growing up. I still remember at 7 years old, I lied about something to my Dad, and he caught me in the lie ( I don't even remember what I lied about). This was a huge offense in our house, and after explaining to me that people who tell lies cannot be trusted, he and mom banded together, and for a few months, they made a point to double check everything I told them, right in front of me and not trust my word on ANYTHING.

I'll tell you, that made much more of an impression on me than any soap in the mouth or yelling or taking of priviledges would've! I am 31 now, and I still cannot/will not lie to my parents, and I still remember this consequence.

Also, if we were sneaky - almost the same as lying, we wer basically not left unsupervised at all for a long period of time....we had to be around our parents all the time, and whatever we "Snuck" was confiscated for a 2 week period. I would tell him you cannot trust hi mto be home alone, since he cannot follow the rules, and take him with you to take the other kids to violin. Also, check his backpack before he goes to school, for a certain period of time, and like others said, take away the screen time and the iPod, for an decent period of time. Once he proves himself during this time of no screen time and no ipod ( by not lying or sneaking those things or anything else) - and maybe doing some extra chores or something....then he has "earned" them back.

Good Luck....this may seem extreme, but if you make a BIG impression right away, it is less likely to re-occur.

Jessie

hm. im worried about you leaving your 8 year old son alone. hes not old enough for this, no matter how quick the trip is. sorry

kids at age 8 are JUST developing inner speech. this means that they are JUST learning how to talk themselves through things. before, they couldnt tell themselves "hey moms on the phone i have to wait" so they would just interrupt. its possible that hes still not developing this inner speech, which is normal, age 8 is average, not the deadline.

hes probably not able to tell himself that these things he so strongly wants to do are wrong. yes, some things he should understand, but he is still young.

another thing im worried about is that the idea of leaving him alone in the house is causing him to be stressed... hes acting out in order to get your attention - kids who are scared or feel unsure that their parents are in control will act out.
anyway,
i really hope that you will rethink leaving your son alone in the home. theres just too many things that could happen, and hes not old enough to deal with them, no matter how mature he seems. dont expect more of our kids, but encourage them when they do things that they should.
anyway.
good luck

I agree, 8 is a little to young to be left home alone. But that's not the issue here. The issue is one of trust. You have the rule of 1/2 hour of screen time, telling the truth and following the rules set in your home. For some reason, only known to some of our children, they think that they can do as they want. If they see their friends or hear of their friend doing something, they think they can do it also. Have a family meeting with your husband and two children. At this meeting address the problems that are happening and get their input on the proper punishment. Write them down and have them all sign the paper. Tell them that you do love them and that you want what's best for them.
If you catch them watching more tv than they're suppose to, ground them from watching any tv for one week, if it's taking something to school, take that object away from them for a week, if they tell you a lie and you catch them at it or if another adult catches them at it, use some baby bath soap, the liquid kind, and wash their mouths out. The reason for the liquid kind is that a very little goes a long way, no more than what can be put on the tip of your finger and it won't hurt them. You want the taste of the soap to bring home the fact that they told a lie and the more water they drink the worse it will taste (a travel size should last you for years) just like the lie they told. You also want to impress on your 8 year old that the punishments will be for all who do these things and not just for him. Tell your children what happens to adults who don't tell the truth and don't follow the rules. Do a little roll playing might also help to bring this home. Most important, tell them that you love them very much and that your rules are there to protect them and that you don't care what the rules are at their friends homes (had that issue with my two older boys).
Now when the do follow the rules, praise them. Have them set up an a reward that's within your budget for good behavior over a period of time, let's say a couple of weeks. Maybe a trip to their favorite fast food place or a favorite meal at home (short term goal). A long term goal could be a new game or even and extra 1/2 hour watching something that they want to watch on the TV. This is all up to you and your husband what the rewards will be but let them make the suggestions. But don't be wishy-washy about what ever you decide to do about this.

I think you might be a little strict with him. Only 30 minutes of screen time - especially when he's left to his own devices - does seem a bit unfair.

I actually have a similar problem with my 8 year old daughter. For several years we have had power struggles with her. Through counseling, we've learned to ease up on some of the things that aren't so important. This allows her to feel like she has more freedom and I have noticed a positive change in her behavior.

However, on important things I agree that you've got to be consistent. Our counselor had us take a step back and think of 'why' we're telling her "No." and if its a good enough reason (like not taking his Ipod to school because it might get lost or stolen and it can cause a disruption in class) then stick to it.

Of course, this is just how things have worked for our family. I'm sure another situation may benefit yours just as well. :)